The Curse of Comparing

One of the things that almost everyone in this life could benefit from while pursuing their spiritual journey or simply their happiness, is to not compare themselves with others. I recently have been exploring the book “The Four Agreements” once again, and this has turned my dial to processing simple truths that can help us on our journey. 1) Being impeccable with your word (not putting down yourself or others) 2) Not taking anything personal, 3) Not making assumptions, and 4) Always doing your best, are four examples of simple life guidelines that can lend to living in gratefulness, positivity, and hope while practicing self love. Where does not comparing ourselves to others fit in exactly with these four universal rules? It travels through all four decrees in essence. Often when we are putting ourselves or others down we are deep in the process of comparison. When we take things personally and let that poison taint our lives, it is because we compare ourselves to someone who we wish to not think badly of us, so we create false beliefs in our paranoia. This is also true with making assumptions. Also, when we are comparing ourselves to someone, we are deep in the mire of making assumptions about their experience, their pain and their insecurities or securities. And last of all, when or if we are pushing ourselves beyond doing only our best, it is often because we are comparing ourselves to some standard outside of ourselves, or we are making our cadence match someone else’s and insist we can or are able to accomplish what they seem to have… this may also involve making an assumption. As a result we have totally mishmashed these four agreements into a nasty web of destructive behavior that does not help us in being happy individuals that are practicing self love and honoring our limits and individual design.

I suppose I am pointing out here, that though these agreements are helpful and seem to be different from each other, applying one toxic rule such as comparing ourselves with others, you can see that this one single behavior does sabotage not one, but four golden rules. This is why I am choosing to focus on comparing ourselves with others rather than borrowing from the four agreements and choosing to write about one of the agreements, which would provide for substantial material for a reflective blog. But back to comparing ourselves, this comes from over identifying with the ego, and with defining ourselves by our roles or accomplishments, and not, on the other hand, living our lives totally in the present guided by a subtle innate intelligence of who we truly are as beings sourced from deep within. “One may find the ego fully alive in even the most seemingly humble public servant”, a quote from my own book “Glass Slippers: A Journey of Mental Illness”. This means that where you might expect to find only enlightened healers, you will find people ill with the epidemic of the ego. This means that even amongst priests and holy people, you will find men and women basking in gratifications for what they have done, where they have traveled to, what they have written, or in other words their resumes of accomplishments, and they may be pursuing more power and recognition for these holy achievements. This is all stemming from the ego. The point is, if you are defining and knowing yourself as an inner voice, you do not have a title or resume, you are a human. It is also impossible to compare yourself to another because this requires you to disengage from your true self and to perceive and act from the place of the ego. Things, degrees, our bodies, our titles, they are not our true selves. If you are identifying with this, you may as well be identifying yourself as nothing. Because that is what these extensions of the ego are. They are nothing. This is why I like these two quotes from a favorite movie of mine called “Lucky”: “You are nothing.” And “Realism is a thing.” Both of these statements got me thinking. Why must I identify myself? What is real is real, it just is. Also, I am nothing. The ego is nothing. Being comfortable in this nothingness, in this aloneness, this is where you begin to hear the soft whisper of your true self.

The next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone’s resume, body, property, or stamina, remind yourself that you are only falling for an illusion. All of that stuff is false. It at least is not who the person is, so don’t blame the true self for suffering these false identities. Because that is what the ego truly is. It is suffering. I was once told that the ego is like a picture frame studded in diamonds made of tears and rubies made of shed blood. The only thing one can focus on is the glitzy frame, and there is no concept of what truly resides inside the frame. So ditch the frame. You may feel small, ordinary, but you will feel light and you will be well on your way to becoming a true master. Oh, and following the four agreements listed above will also help you be wildly successful on pursuing the truth of who you really are.