Okay to not be Okay

Life can definitely become tenuous. Spring is upon us and, though I have not felt like writing as I haven’t had any succinct ideas to share with the world, I now feel it is the best thing I could do to really ground myself. The human race is and still remains such a mystery. People can hide behind all kinds of facades. They may be carrying the public personality of healer, witch but sincerely lack true understanding of either. The teacher teaches that which they do not know. Sometimes it seems that everyone is just pretending to know something. Their identity may even be so dependent on the illusion of making people believe in their wisdom, knowledge or role, that they will defend their illusion at all cost. I feel this most when I am vulnerable about some aspect of my story or healing with a person and they feel called to give me advice, even if I have not asked for it. It is as though being vulnerable, showing flaws or weakness in the face of someone who is living an illusion, threatens their reality because they are doing everything in their power to hide and mask their true weaknesses. Being vulnerable however does not make you weak. I often feel gratitude or even more comfortable when someone is willing to show their dissonance, anxiety, depression or other symptom, because that feels real to me. In the mental health world we have an anthem, “It is okay to not be okay.” But the world that is built on the ego and full of pretenders, does not always welcome this. The world can cast shame upon someone that is either vulnerable enough to show their symptoms or who is unable to hide this nature within themselves.

Why do we have to always appear like we know exactly who we are or what is going on in the world? This is a falsehood. It is also so with people that wear their identities as a cloak around them. Like we all need to know that the said “performer” has all of these qualifications, all of these accomplishments. The truth is that these people are hiding behind these false truths. Living humble, being ordinary, and being strong enough to show your weakness to the world is truly brave. So, sometimes it is hard for someone to hide that they are wounded. Sometimes it is hard for someone to come off as a polished performer with an iron clad identity. Sometimes people need to explore, be vulnerable and not know who they are. I just wish this did not feel threatening to others. Especially those of us who suffer with mental illness issues, often feel like  we need to hide from the world because we are not perfect, and because we appear ill. And most often the world does not accept people that wear emotional issues on the outside of their being. But are we the ones that are truly lost? Maybe we are the brave ones because we are willing to feel our pain and struggle and because we choose to not hide it. Perhaps those out there that  have created selves that seem solid are masking the pain, or are even running from it. I just hope that people know that they can be vulnerable, “weak”, real. I hope people know that they are aloud to sometimes feel like they know nothing and to start over from scratch. That is brave. That is wisdom. That is being an alive enlightened human. It IS okay to not be okay, but it is also okay to show this ‘not okay-ness’ to the world. Sometimes it just comes. I just wish people were more kind and encouraging to those that appear to not be so strong.