Behind the Mask of Everyday
Behind the mask of every day lie so many things- thoughts, realities, passions, dreams, desires, questions, sadness, other emotions not shared, shame, confusion, longing, loneliness...
Wherever you are, in a small town on an Island of 2,500 people, or in New York City, I ask you to reflect on reality. An educated person may know that there is no such tangible thing, yet I believe we pine and abide to a reality that is not our very own.
Society, culture, globalization, media, all have a contribution to the laws we follow socially. I myself have always struggled, from an early age, to fit into these norms, to find a place that felt comfortable. This became even more prominent when I began suffering from, and was later diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder with Psychosis. Friends, Family, acquaintances, future friends, all turned their backs on me, leaving me swimming in the maze of my mind, and the abyss of our culture to find my way, a way. Well there is always a way, and somewhere I called through the cosmos and prayed for assistance, and a man who became my savior, life partner, best friend, teacher, and mother in a way materialized at my very doorstep. I still look back at this moment as a divine miracle. How could someone so confused manage a sight of such clarity. I am more baffled than gloating, yet now this only strengthens my faith. Years of not knowing, of falling down over and over, of failing and screaming and crying, and I came out of a big one. Six years later I find myself rediscovering this journey as a gift and a blessing, yet I am just beginning to understand the magnitude of my gift. Perhaps as soon as I explore the depth and oceans of pain I suffered those years, formative at best, I will begin to see the true value of the blessing.
Today I write to you with a new-found sense of purpose. To not hide anymore. No hiding behind a curtain of shame, who even those closest to you sometimes dress to support. I will write and experience and fail some more, if only to have something to write and share. Failing, no I have not had enough.