Pieces of a Mind

Once I was innocent. There was a boy when I was 16 who spoke of this. He said we were losing our innocence. He was more than a friend, and a friend in the fullest definition of the term.

I like to think there was nothing abnormal about those days. But what is normal? Like reality, there is no sound definition for this term. I didn't go to dances, I did beer bongs in an alley before attending a Gas Huffer show on Tolo night. I was not the homecoming queen or close to it.

I remember the need to be an individual. This word burnt in my mind like a lighter in a cave. It was what I held onto and what pushed me forward. 

I played guitar and sang starting at 13, and had many crushes. Besides losing my virginity at 15, I was not sexually active at all until 19 when I met the man I am still with.

So perhaps passing up love at 16, crushing the heart and soul of my best friend who was on crutches from a gun wound was the right path? Well here I am, and learning from mistakes is a close neighbor of mine. Why waste time with guilt and shame? We are all suffering, and we all make mistakes. Moving though the motions and tides of time and experience, are we lucid in this? 

Choice is a word I learned when recovering, the best that I can. I have a choice in every moment to the way I feel, what I indulge in, and which turn I take in the inner maze of identity, emotions, patterns, messages, and impulses inside of me. I am thankful for this choice. Yes, there are times when I forget to use this power, but it is accumulative.

So when you are looking back on your life and the twists and turns, own up to it. This is all we have and creating more lies and mazes inside of us... I hope is not the direction we are all headed in. Let's hope for clarity and moving forward. I believe to do this one must embrace the past, and grab onto it like a bull by the horns. Let your passion fill you up, and walk into the box of rain of your soul while loving the skin you are in.