Uniting with the Will of God

I am learning to have increasing faith in myself as a person and a patient, on the road of mental illness and recovery. I have entered a time of smooth sailing, and it is so nice to greet these placid waters. I want to give my journey over to God, and really allow for peace and serenity in my world. I am currently working on giving my life and my ways over to the care of a greater power, and I am excited to use [AA] step work to increase my connection to the creator in daily life. I was talking with a friend yesterday about sitting in nature. I usually take a beverage and sometimes my dog with me, and I go sit in the field or the forest on my property, and I let the music of the nature that surrounds me lure me to a spiritual place. It often involves allowing for a degree of troubling emotion or thought. And as I sit there, I can accept myself as I am. Then I can give it over to a greater power. Becoming intentional about negative space in my life, and looking for meaning and opportunity for growth in the daily movements and chores of life, I can then strengthen a direct relationship to a higher power. I am reminded of God when I watch the grass blow in the breeze, when I weave wreaths in the forest, as I listen to and watch the birds, and as I soak in the scenery of the valley in which I live.

Connecting with God on a daily basis such as this, I am also able to understand my illness in greater capacity. I must practice wellness in as many forms as it takes, and I do not disregard these practices in my life now. I find it pertinent not to drink, I am always honest with my psychiatrist, therapist, and sponsor, and I know I must work daily at having a good attitude towards myself and life. When I take the time to sit in nature, write, or pray, I am always rewarded tenfold. Right now, I am being called to make peace with the last six months of my life, and I must practice acceptance and letting go regarding some of my past behavior. It is a good idea to let go. I have new opportunity once again to build and strengthen immediate community, and my relationship with God. I am grateful for the peace which I now feel. I owe a lot to the program of AA, my sponsor, my therapist and doctor, the support of family and community, the resilience of my partner, and the miraculous science of my medications. 

Today, I am feeling clear and free, and I long to practice my wellness actively. I am called to ponder becoming more connected to God, and what giving my life over to God looks like. I have been using the coined phrase of “living life on life’s terms”, which I have come to believe means meeting and interfacing with God in every moment. There are hundreds of opportunities in my day where I can make living my life more in accordance with God. Surrender is another word that I apply to actively living God’s will. How is it that I can actively surrender, and find or seek what we call the will of God, or the ethos of the spirit of the universe? How do I connect with something that is beyond me, something greater, something beautiful and good, in my daily living?

I can think of several things that give me that extra push to practice a godly connection in my life. I love collecting and connecting with rocks. I use Christian principles to become a better partner. I practice reading tarot and connect deeply with God when I read my cards. Music and exercise can be spiritual experiences. Sitting in stillness in nature helps me slow down and “talk with God”, so to speak. Swimming in the pond or the Puget Sound, bathing, walking in the rain; communing with water connects me to God. Praying in a church and praying in a service. I try not to worry too much about consciously comprehending what God’s will is or means. I just know that if I allow the abstract to seep into my existence, daily, I feel confident that I am growing slowly and steadily towards having a spiritual existence, and that I am giving my life over. Over and over again. That is taking it one day at a time. It is feeling hope when we greet a new day and knowing that we get to do it all over again. It is trusting myself. This can become lost when struggling with mental illness; trust in oneself. That is why self care and medications are so important. When I get my brain back into balance, I can be with God, both within and without of myself. Gratitude to the Creator today, for helping me return to a place of sanity and resilience. I am so lucky to be alive. Help me seek comfort in your embrace. Help me to practice the things that help me meld with you, God, in a way that your will then becomes mine own.