A Gift on Beltaine

I got some new earrings yesterday. My family is big on gifts and holiday celebrations. Sometimes it can feel onerous, but really we bond well and have happy moments together creating memories that will last. It was my sister’s birthday. She is a May child, born the day after May Day or Beltaine. This has led to her beauty and grace as an adult. Since childhood, she knew how to flow. She is supple like a reed. At one with the blooming lilacs and budding trees. By May Day, Spring is fully alive. So is she. She is my rock.

I went to the gift store and bought a sparkly dragonfly broach, a jasper acorn, some chocolate, a card, and some beautiful artisan earrings. As we sat together on the beautiful Sunnyfield Farm that she attends and manages, the baby was asleep or inside with a local teenager. It was quiet, not much bustle around that is a regularity in the community space. She was surprised and grateful for the gift. We talked. It was organic. It was loving. It was important. It is easy in these times to forget to tend to our most important relationships. Life is so busy and full of struggle for almost everybody. Then we become tired, and are simply trying to find a way to care for ourselves or our immediates; like our children, spouses, and pets. But on the day, the second of May, it felt flourishing. I was able to drive the five miles there and then back, and see her home as it should be. Her home. Though I am also grateful for all of the community events that happen regularly at Sunnyfield Farm.

So, the earrings unfortunately did not work as her holes had healed and closed in her ears. A mother, provider, farmer, gardener, herbalist and soap maker, and so much more, she is a woman of the earth. Our childhood photos depict her relaxed and flowing. I unfortunately was not so, but I was when I was with her. She raised me, mothered me, sistered me, and loved me. We discussed in our talk how we would play, and had many joyful moments throughout the years. We both agreed that there were times when I was difficult, but it is all water under the bridge now. I took the earrings home and kept them. I received a beautiful artisan gift; they are light and shimmery, and they make me happy.

I am unsure why Spring can be difficult for me. I was born the first week of Spring, two weeks late, pushing out of a crammed womb and my baby feet and legs were twisted. Do I have birth trauma? Why was I holding so tightly to that space in the womb? I did come out eventually and as a baby and toddler scored off the charts on all my physical exams. Super baby. But then sensitive like a fresh reed in a flowing river. Like a misty cloud at mercy to the wind. A sensitive child innocent but crying. Sometimes I was fun and life was joyous. But I had fits. I was willful and very sentient and tuned in. Forever in a glass slipper. It is my gift, and I must nurture it and myself with the greatest of care. Sobriety, medications, therapy, family and friends, are helping me form into the best person I can be. I wish so desperately to not cause harm. Sometimes that can feel like a burden, and I still have moments of agitation. But I am learning, and I am learning to heal. I wish to flow with life like my mentor and best friend, my sister.