Health and Healing

Life has presented some challenges lately, but I am feeling strong and capable in the wake of difficult news. My partner has lung cancer, it is stage two and treatable. It is also a type of cancer that does not spread easily, which makes the prognosis more effective we hope. So the day has finally come where it is prudent that we both quit smoking. This is both easy and difficult at the same time. Faced with the bad news of cancer one feels increasingly motivated, yet the added stress of dealing with the cancer also makes quitting more difficult. We both have made a lot of progress in this department. I am on the patch and smoking but a few ultralight cigarettes a day, and Steve has pretty much quit all together.

I have my program, and for that I am grateful. Sometimes progress is slow, but I hear the story in the rooms over and over that eventually the wisdom of the rooms sank in if they just kept coming back. I personally attend one to three meetings a day. I love soaking in the honesty and the wisdom of the rooms. I am growing in my sobriety, and have been making a lot of progress in my cross addictions of food, caffeine, and tobacco, along with more stability with my mental health. It is my world and my life. All of my work and service is with my recovery program. Well mostly. Sometimes I volunteer with Quakers or church, as well as my family. I feel that if I stay close to the program, my family, and my spiritual community, I can only do less harm and cause less suffering. I am learning amazing skills such as forgiveness, and praying for those in the world that are sick. I have given my life over to the care of my higher power or God. Cancer is but a turn in the river of life that I am floating on. If I trust and flow with my higher power, I know that there are lessons and love to be had.

I know that when I show up for a meeting, that I am going to be greeted with love and support. I can be honest with myself and others as I share whatever is on my heart and mind. Sometimes meetings are work because I have service positions to attend to, but this brings more reward, as I am putting in effort to keep a meeting going that is helping others. Meetings are a place to bring my focus to day in and day out. When I am in a meeting, I am thinking about my feelings and the feelings of others, not my next cigarette or drink. Addiction for me is multifaceted. Focusing on sobriety in this way is helping bring light to all of my addictions and my mental heath. Underneath my using are feelings and emotions. Paying attention to my emotions in sobriety helps my mental health as well. I spend much less time angry, reactive, anxious or depressed. Sobriety is also important for these difficult times that come, whether it be the illness of a loved one, the passing of a pet, or caregiving for an elder parent. I am better equipped to handle life the more work that I do in recovery.

In two days we start our five weeks, or twenty four days, of chemo and radiation. Monday through Friday we will trek off-island on the ferry, and drive into Sedro Wolley to the hospital for treatment. We have already been there twice while consulting with oncologists, and I feel confident we will fall into a rhythm and it won’t be all that bad. I of course will have to keep an eye on my mental health, and I may be attending a few less meetings, but most days we will be home by the afternoon and settled in for early evening rest and recuperation. I have faith. I feel in my soul that we are in good hands and that we will get through all this together and in one piece. Here is to living another day tomorrow one day at a time, and for all of the progress we are making while inching our way toward better health.