Good Enough

I have to write about a phenomena that I experience in my search to improve myself. Always I seem to be working toward some sort of goal. For example, I walk. I walk down the road or go for hikes in the island parks. I try and always walk a little further than the day before. Inevitably I do have to rest, and if I go for too many days without rest, I work myself into the ground and I crash. This goal revolves around being active and trying to stay fit or lose weight. I may be doing workouts at the gym, yoga classes, or my current indulgence; dancing in my living room to Body Groove, a streaming workout service that encourages you to move your body in a creative and intuitive manner. I try to set reasonable goals, but I usually push myself too hard. My pattern is to go for it, and I do a really good job of that. I work out, walk, stretch or dance to my maximum ability, and I am very disciplined. But then my body becomes tired, fatigued or over-worked. And when this happens, I have to cease my work-out for the time being. This is hard for me to do. I often feel like I have failed, not only because I think a part of me is expecting immediate results for my efforts, but also because I believe that my body should be capable of performing more than it really is capable of. Right now, I am in one of these places. I have been doing a half-hour daily dance workout. There have been two times in the last 25 days that I have opted for a 20 minute workout, and I have taken a total of four days off. Still, I have definitely danced twenty-one out of the last twenty-five days. And perhaps this is expecting too much of myself, because I am tired. My knees and ankles ache. But so do my wrists, hands and face. 

I had a thought early on when I was attempting to be realistic, that I would dance for two days and rest for two days. Two days on and two days off. I believe that this would be a more realistic way to approach this new workout regime. Somehow I got it in my head that I needed to attempt at doing what they call the “Work out of the Day” everyday. This is not realistic. But I ask myself, is it possible to even put this smart and much needed restriction on my dance workouts? I know I will find myself pushing for three or even four days in a row. It will not seem like enough. One of the reasons that I believe two days on and two days off is enough, is because it will not only give my muscles and joints the opportunity to heal from the workouts, but I will be able to expend left over energy doing the much needed things that I need to do to manage my life and household. Right now I seem to spend much of my day tired and recovering from dancing too much, because I am exhausted and my body is fatigued. So I ask myself, are you, Emily, willing to walk your talk and see that good enough is great? Good enough is better? And that good enough is definitely enough?

So many times I have written about simplicity, the beauty of ordinariness, and my long journey in discovering my limits and giving myself much needed credit for all that I endure and do. But I will admit before you all, that I still struggle with applying this in the simplest of ways in my daily life. Something as simple as learning to honor my real limits regarding exercise. I think anyone who is being truly honest with themselves will agree, not eating that burger and fries, skipping the alcohol or caffeine, or just learning to be nice, are some of the most challenging things that we face in life. The things that we need to do to live better, happier and healthier lives. I think what is so confusing about my exercise issue, is that the message that is out there on all of the feed on social media and in the videos regarding working out and getting in better shape, often profiles people who are able to run miles, have the perfect yoga body, or are at least working out for an hour or every day. So if I am doing more, I must be doing better. In my case, this is most definitely counter intuitive, and yet I have such a hard time adjusting my mind and my routines to honoring, respecting, and being proud of myself and my body while respecting whatever my current limitations or abilities entail. 

There is a book titled “All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten”, and the fact that the simplest lessons in life seem to be the most difficult is testament to this. What we try and imprint on our children when they are at their most malleable stage of development, is just to be nice to others, eat their vegetables, and to brush their teeth and to remember a coat. Perhaps if I admit to myself that it is very hard to honor my true self and limitations, I will then learn that I do not need to emulate a physical ability that is profiled in my daily feed. It comes around to me listening to my body and accepting myself right where I am at. One of the things we learn in Preschool or Kindergarten, is that the world is bigger than us. That we have to trust in something greater than us. I need to learn to trust that what I am capable of is okay and god given. I don’t need to change my body into something I am not. I need to be okay with me right now. The dance workout that I am doing, Body Groove, is supposed to be about listening to our bodies, doing what feels right, and at the same time to keep moving. I need to “grow up”. I need to see and accept what is. Mental illness and just life in general has landed me where I am and is responsible for whatever limitations I experience. But I need to really respect that. Yes, good enough is enough. As my great grandmother once said, “Why bother better when good enough is best.”