Phases

“You’re like the Moon. Sometimes you are all there, and sometimes you are not.” When Steve spoke these words in my dream, the meaning was profound. Now it is slightly humorous. It is like this sometimes in our minds and our dreams. When we try and explain the meaning of words and events from our dreams and visions onto paper in our journals or in a conversation, it remains hard to express the profundity to the listener. I like this statement. I am always looking for deeper meaning to the name I have taken, of Moon.

I had a lot to say over coffee. I think this is because I finally got some real sleep this morning. For a couple of years, or more, I have had a sleeping disorder where I wake up every couple of hours; sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes it is every hour. Often, during this couple of hours, I am in a half-asleep state, and never really dip into REMs. I once believed that it took being asleep for four hours to achieve deep REM sleep, but my doctor has instructed me that this is not true. You can achieve this in an just an hours time. But still, I feel innately that I rarely achieve this truly asleep and restful state. It was such a gift to wake up this morning after being very asleep, and come out with much to reflect on. It feels necessary to me to truly “check out” in this sate of sleep, to clear ones mind and reach much needed deep and fresh reflection. For those concerned, I am scheduled for a sleep study.

I gave myself permission to return to the bed this morning for a nap, in which I achieved a deeper sleep. This seems to be a pattern recently; that I get my actual rest after it is time to wake up. There was this sense that I had permission to do whatever I needed to because everything is on hold right now. It is possible that due to this COVID-19 crises that many people in the general visceral consciousness, are finally getting that much needed sleep while they are asked to stay at home. I know that many parents are up early because of their kids and they have very busy days full of homeschooling, managing a household, and possibly working from their home. It is likely too, that many of us are suddenly gifted with a completely free schedule. I think there is a lot of good medicine that is coming from pausing our lives and staying home. There is the possibility that, as we slow down during this inward quarantine, people will get the rest, the true rest, that they need, in which they are able to enter a healing room inside of their souls and minds. Otherwise, the conditions of the world and society pull us away in a typical life where we sometimes run on empty.

The gift of the ‘phases of the moon’ metaphor, is my self having to accept and realize that sometimes I am full and sometimes I am new. It is completely necessary for me to achieve the emptiness and nothingness of the dark new moon in order to at times appear full and glorious, shedding light in all directions. I must achieve rest. I must find a way to fall asleep, dream, and let my sub-conscience speak and unravel through its natural unfolding and restorative processes. I am grateful to have reached that darkness last night. What a gift.