The Gift of Reaction

I want to talk about the aspect of human behavior of reacting, in light of this recent pandemic that our planet finds itself deeply involved with. Today, I came across a post on Facebook where someone was trying to “enlighten” people about reactionary and “toxic” responses to the Corona Virus COVID-19, in a way that made it sound as though the only right way was peace and positivity. Oddly, I found myself reacting to this post, which was intended to be positive and eye opening, and I also felt a little judged. There may be deeper reasons for our reactions such as low self-esteem, fear, insecurity etc., but the reactionary observance is very intimate with the emotion of anger, and I feel I have to stand up and defend these behaviors and emotions. Everything we do as humans, is informative. It is informative to ourselves, our neighbors, and our world. I think that one of the reasons that I want to defend reactionary behavior and avoid labeling it as toxic, is because, as a mental illness patient (or mental heath consumer for the P.C.’s), I have been known to exhibit more of this reactionary behavior in my life. It sometimes can be self-righteous, another term with a negative connotation. Where some may want to transform general terms into things like ‘proactive’ or ‘inclusive’, and avoid terms such as ‘illness’ and ‘patient’ (specifically in the mental health community), I find it illuminative to explore the words that we seem to be trying to avoid. Why do we avoid being angry, and is this healthy? Why am I encouraged to see myself as a consumer and not a patient? Does changing this word really change my reality? I must see a psychiatrist to treat a malady for which I must take life-saving medicines in order to be healthy. Does this not make me a patient? Isn’t this simply a fact?

Where we can redefine and transform reactionary behavior into proactive behavior, so can we sit back at home and believe that we are positive beings and are above the emotions of fear, shame and anger. But this is the farthest from the truth. We are humans living human lives, and we all have hatred, anger, shame and rage. The more smiley and placid you seem, I am prone to think the worse lies the affliction beneath your superficial frozen lake of emotions. I am prone to see my mental illness as reactionary. I am reacting to injustice, sickness, and fear in an ego driven world and a society that is ridden with flaws and errors. My anger, my reactive behavior, motivates me to find truth, seek solutions, and influence from a real, honest, and authentic inner disposition that will propel me towards change. Inner change, and global change. But if I do not sometimes emotionally respond to what I see happening in the world, I do not see the inner truth deep in the darkest corners of my being that also seek light and change.

The truth is that sometimes this is messy. Because of social media, it seems that some people lean in the opposite direction to appear “saintlike”, and only desire to spread love and awareness, and be totally positive. This is a response to others exhibiting unbalanced and “reactionary” or “toxic” behavior. A middle ground also is possible, and possibly healthier. I don’t think we should judge reactionary behavior. It is a signal. It is information. One should try and be in touch with themselves, and not tear down others. But sometimes it takes a little anger or rage to penetrate the ignorance, mass hysteria, or even conspiracy that is a very real part of our collective existence. So the next time you see someone upset and expressing anger or reactionary behavior on social media, don’t just label them as portraying toxic feed and unfollow, but perhaps investigate with them a little. They could be onto something valuable that needs illumination and even fighting for.

One of the side effects of being schizoaffective, gifted, and psychically aware, is that I can lose my temper, lose myself, and get out of control easily, if I am faced with certain stimulus or triggers. I feel this only shows that I am able to access and be in touch with some of the deepest, truest, and most motivating aspects of human behavior, consciousness and existence. I am not toxic, I am sensitive. I am a beacon, I am a thermometer. My anger and reactions are valid, informative, and so are yours. If you are having strong feelings about the Corona virus COVID-19, pay close attention to these feelings, and don’t let the goodly saints of the internet cause you shame for being yourself. But do, perhaps, give it a minute and step away from the internet before posting your thoughts.