Chaotic Cooling Depths

Stoically, I walk down the several large stone steps to the edge of the pond. The water is resting but an inch above the lowest rock making the exit a bit of a challenge. I stand there for a moment and look up at the sky, across the valley. The light is hitting the grass that has a subtle green color from the early September rain. The water cool is beckoning me in its refreshing solitude. I dive, fist out, holding my nose, and just miss the clay at the bottom. I emerge a fish, floating, savoring the buoyant pleasure of being suspended in cool water.

Since April I rarely miss a day where I go for a dip in the pond here on the property. The levels have sunk low, and I am hoping the rain will come soon to fill its coffers. It has been a time of solitude, meditations and at times a social hour with my mother, sister and niece, or a close friend. The water has healed me, comforted me, and awakened me from an afternoon nap. Now was one of those times as I had been sleeping the day away, getting over an illness. But could not resist the temptation to dive into the pond upon awakening.

I have been reviewing and reading my book that will hopefully be out in the next couple of months in published form: Glass Slippers - A Journey of Mental Illness. It has been exciting to read, and yet it is a strange experience because it feels so out of my control, even my perception, to really understand what this book is in its essence. It is a collection of small pieces such as this where I bear my soul about God and my mental illness. It marks a time in my life when I was discovering Christ, and healing from many old wounds through the practice of writing. I am grateful for this book, and I think it will be a success in its finality, it will be what it is, and I have already embraced the chaotic element of bringing these words to print. I have to trust, to let it be.

Much like when you take that final leap off the rock to plunge into the water. You do not know how it will feel until you jump. I am jumping now, and am ready to sew together the final pieces of the masterpiece, if you could call it that. I am humble and grateful, I look forward to sharing my words with the world. I am guided by an all knowing spirit, and I am trusting of it. I am so grateful to have a few readers, a loving community, a supportive family and husband, and a solid Faith in what is. For it just is. I have little expectation, and I don't want my ego involved. It is meant to be a healing and hopeful piece. I do not feel competitive, because I know my words are unique in all of their flaws. Thank you angels, for watching over this project and guiding me along the way.