Grief Rainbows
"I want to go on living even after my death! And therefore I am grateful to God for giving me this gift, this possibility of developing myself and of writing, of expressing all that is in me. I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."
-Anne Frank
It is true. Writing feeds and helps the soul. When I was 23 I wrote a memoir titled “Besieged in the Looking Glass”. This was my first attempt and shedding grief through writing. I wrote of my mental illness and my first psychotic break while attending Mills College in Oakland, California. I discovered courage and my spirit was cleansed of a story that was holding me down with an immense psychological weight. I hope to retype this manuscript someday and maybe it will even see a publisher, but for now I have moved on, fifteen years later, but am continuing to purge my soul through the writing process.
Every morning I sit and write three pages in my journal and see what is inside. I can explore deep issues, but also it is just a good check in with my day to day self. All of the writing I do is cleansing, and that is why I insist on writing my truth. Anything that I can say that is true to my soul, any description of pain and suffering, grief and rage, is potent in written form. It just comes out of me, onto the page and then it is released in some fashion. It is about the process, and though I believe people can benefit from reading my writing, just the simple act of writing provides substantial purpose. I am grateful I have been given this gift.
I slept seven hours last night. This sounds about average, but for someone who tends to sleep 10-12 hours a night, this time is greatly reduced. Okay, I don't actually sleep 12 hours every night, but nine or ten is normal. This is why I am not too worried. In the wee hours of darkness, I composed a movie, my first movie ever on YouTube in order to raise awareness of my fundraising campaign for my book that I have written titled “Glass Slippers”. It was a fun experience, and it is the real me, no make up, no slicked back hair, no earrings. It is just me at 4:30am and I am pleased that I can put myself out there in an unabridged authentic fashion. You can visit this video on YouTube and it is titled “Glass Slippers” for my book.
Pain divides my soul with its deep cavernous presence, and yet I seek light. Light finds its way deep into my chest cavity, my heart chakra, and light heals the wounds that have scarred my journey on this path. There are scars, and yet they bring character and rainbows as the light enters their fibers. Grief is settled deep in my legs, and yet when I slow and feel the natural rhythms of this planet, I can feel the sadness seeping from my body. It speaks to me and offers me wisdom. It is the defining of my person, though I have been weak and shattered. It gives me hope because I can see that it is old and transforming. Weariness rests hard on my shoulders and though they yearn for rest, they are strong and powerful from all they have been holding. Their massiveness speaks of confidence and resilience, though underneath only lives a tender spirit. I believe this shines through. Let all of our tenderness shine through as we learn to write, speak and tell our truths to the world. I wish us all strength on our journeys.