Teaspoon of Sugar

Christmas Day was a success. It was a blast and it was hard. Just like life. I am finding recently that when things are difficult, it is just a signal to push forward and good things can definetly come if you direct the path, trajectory of your daily life just so. I got a new TV, had company over, I got to bring dinner to my sister and parents, a friend helped me set up the television, and I had the evening to myself to explore my gift, my clean house, and let out some pressure in my abdomen.

Sometimes I hold it all in, and it is good to release this energy even if it is, well mostly if it is in a physical way. Preferably this would be sex, but if it takes place as premenstrual diarrhea that is fine too. Well, that was graphic for a change! Feels good to say. Sometimes, like I said the hardest things in life are difficult. Confronting issues of sexuality and gender, voicing what is true for us in a deep deep dimension, exploring spirituality, it is all difficult really. I used to think I was alone in this, but the more I get to know and embrace this world the more I see it is everywhere.

Illusion is so abound in peoples lives, seems like. But what do people really know if they never ask the question, if they never say, “What the hell am I doing here?” There must be another path for my life. I know I could be happier, more positive, healthier. Usually we fall flat on our face, or perhaps we live our lives in little cages that we never break out of or secretly long to. Freedom, as Janis said, is just nothing left to lose.

I could lose it, I know I will. Once we face this, whether it is losing our mind, losing God, losing our loved ones, then we find ourselves so rich. We can become grateful, even if all we are allowed is a teaspoon of sugar, because life can definitely be cruel.

Well, I plan on embracing even the cruelty and just being thankful. So thank you life. I am here, and life just couldn’t be better.