Wellness

This last week has been challenging due to an intestinal illness that neither me nor my doctor nor my new naturopath can put any definite diagnosis on. It seems today that I am finally on the upswing, though there have been many ups and downs since last Saturday, so I do not know if this feeling of wellness will last. I can say that I have been slowly improving day by day.

I have found with this illness, I have been challenged with feeling grumpy and snappy at times, and that I have suffered with feelings of guilt while not able to accomplish my usual tasks at hand. This has been a time to learn and strengthen in compassion for myself as well as to learning to take it easy. I have come out with an increased appreciation of moving slowly and organically through my life. There are more opportunities to check in with myself in the day than I ever realized. There have been times when I make a decision to follow my intuition or present desires that do not fit in with the plan for the day, or my scheduling from the week before, and I give myself permission to do this freely. I have been acutely evaluating my feelings in the present out of necessity and illness; this has increased my awareness of my intuition, and has created space within the moments of my life and my day. I feel more in touch with myself and therefore much happier.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I have learned that one must sometimes get on with their life even though they don't feel good. Moving forward and continuing to participate and not shut down due to feeling awful, I have been able to exist not in the definition of what I am doing, but as a being that happens to be doing something. This has also been strengthened by an enhanced identity in Christ. There is more to me and life than what is happening in my day to day, and there is so much more purpose and definition than what the eye or mind can independently comprehend.

Honestly I feel like I am floating. My gut still hurts, and after announcing to a friend and my mother that I have felt great all day, I had a sudden relapse. My stamina and strength has increased, however, and I have been praying and checking in with God on an hourly basis during the last week and a half. I was fearful at the beginning of last week that I may have a serious issue. Prayer has helped me so much. I feel stronger than ever and ready to head out into the world to help and support others. Praise God!