Joy and Worth

Painting has been my soul work for many years. Yes I have fallen off in the habit. Perhaps I was feeling doubt about myself and my talent all along the way, and this finally settled with me, wondering why I was a painter, where it was going, and feeling conflict about selling my art. I have given paintings away and sold many throughout the years. In the old days, I desperately needed to paint as my main source of therapy and self-reflection. Perhaps over the last few years I had found other ways of finding myself, finally trying actual therapy, becoming stabilized incredibly on my meds, having less moody moments, less need for this output. I have been a student of yoga, and I have played some music, and for the last year really reveled in writing, as I have just surpassed the year anniversary of my blog.

In recent weeks I have found many passionate and borderline tortuous feelings and moments arise in me. Coupled with these feelings, though I have managed them incredibly well, I have been inspired by some friends and reminded by both myself and others that my art is amazing. I often look upon old paintings in my house, some art that I almost completely dismissed when I had done it, and I revel in the beauty of the colors, and the general feeling that comes through in my expression of images and shades. I have been on a journey, a movement. I have discovered faith in myself and God. Tremendous healing has taken place, and where I used to tell myself that it was impossible to love my art and appreciate it for its true worth, now I am finding this easy. I am not ashamed or afraid to tell myself that I am a wonderful painter. I have become aware that the real journey is within myself and with God, and though this was the underlining purpose of my art for all of these years, the fear has left, and I know these things with almost no effort.

So now that I have renewed the practice of being an artist, a painter, I hope to share this with others with no strings attached. I hope to appreciate every moment of my own simple genius, and be unafraid to call it this. For so many of us are gifted. I have always hoped for others to find and value their creative selves on this level. Little did I know that there was great need for discovery of self-worth in line for me. We will continue to travel, we will continue to sing and paint and write. Bless us, every one of us, who dare to venture in a creative way and love and value ourselves completely and without reservation along the passage.