Pushing Forward

Little patterns exhibit themselves on my deck, the shadows of an early summer morning in May. It seems hazy outside as if we are in a country near the equator. It all comes back now; summers spent selling tacos at the Saturday Market. Steve is dropping from five days a week at the Galley Restaurant and Lounge to three and then probably two. We do well at the Market. I love the companionship and the exposure to people, life and creativity. I feel the Market represents the heart of this Island as we can see the productivity of food and crafts in all of their glory. Winters and springs spent hard at work growing food and creating beautiful things.

The summer picks up for me and for some reason I haven’t felt well lately. I have been too busy, pulled into the excitement of the light and warmth with a desire to fully participate getting things done around home and out in the community. I found myself manic and then falling into a depression spell where in the anguish, all I could think about was smashing my skull or breaking my arm on the corner of the brick fireplace. It only lasted about 45 minutes, but was full depravity.  I found myself on Orcas Island discussing this truthfully with my Therapist and medications consultant nurse, and we decided to up my mood stabilizer to an average dose. Currently I am on about as little medication one with my severe mental disability could get away with. So increasing my mood stabilizer, one of the more benign of its kind, to an average 200 milligrams, should not upset me wholly; and it doesn’t. I still feel somewhat successful in life that I am able to live a full and interestingly self-motivated life at all, and am looking forward to feeling more resilient to life’s challenges in a way that will enable me to accomplish what I need and desire to.

I did discover a book yesterday and listened to a podcast by the author of Grain Brain, a book that supports those with a gluten intolerance that eat too much grain with gluten present can end up with neurological disorders such as Alzheimer’s and ADHD. I wanted to call into the podcast, obviously not an option, and ask Dr. David Perlmutter if mood disorders and other mental illness showed up in any research; if there was a possibility that my Bipolar Disorder with Psychosis could be caused by my gluten intolerance that I suspect I have had all my life. Bread is like candy to me, a reversed sign that my body repels the substance, and I have always craved carbs, partly because I believe the cycle perpetuates itself. Carbohydrate loading creates serotonin in the brain, probably an attempt to balance the irregularity created by the ‘leaky brain’ and whatever other side effects or negative impact are caused by gluten on the brain.

I am thankful for this information and just started abstaining from gluten in a more pure and permanent measure, about a week ago, that I hope someday will result in a healing of the chemical deficiency I carry with me. It is interesting to discover, and I have read The Brain that Changes Itself, the complete level of plasticity of the brain and that it can heal. I am surprised that more doctors are unable to absorb this research, coupled with some more alternative measures that really seem to work, to provide hope to an end of suffering for the many mental health patients in the world. 75% of children with ADHD are on mind altering drugs, and I know from experience at least with my category of mental illness that medications are necessary. But with the research of the plasticity of the brain, I wish as much time could be spent finding ways to heal rooted from finding root causes, such as gluten as a poison to the body, instead of just the billions spent on relieving the anguish and pain. At the same time I do understand why we work with prescriptions in this way.

My hope is for more discoveries to be made regarding healing methods for the sick. May we band together with the scientists and doctors that really wish to change medicine for the better and find a way to heal as a planet. The degeneracy of all the suffering combined is enough to send us all into a tail spin downward; we are too sick to save mother earth and battle all the evil in the world.