Emma's Story

In 1997, when I was seventeen,

I came out to my mom as gay.

She laughed at me,

My close male gay friend

Said no, that was not likely,

So I chose bisexual

I went off to an all women’s college

In the Bay Area,

I loved the Indigo Girls,

Ani Difranco was my idol,

I even dated three different women

And I fell in love with yet another

I had no balls.

I was absolutely terrified

My first two years of high school.

It was at a Catholic Jesuit Prep School,

I dumped my boyfriend

Who was obsessed with other girls

And who ignored me.

I don’t think he understood

That I was terrified.

Every morning walking in those halls,

A school where the male strait football players

Would go gay bashing on Broadway,

“We” were skaters and snowboarders

I did know at least

That I was different

In 1995, I left that school

And I discovered the arts

At my new, small, unconventional high school.

We were accepting of mentally ill and gay folks,

I played my guitar in the halls,

I studied writing, visual arts, and Improv,

And I found my confidence

As a person

At Mills in Oakland, CA

I began to lose touch with reality

All my affairs were essentially sexless

At this point in time…

At eighteen, all of my sexual encounters

Were with men.

Cock had only made it into my mouth once

And I wasn’t super happy about it

I came home

After the woman I loved

Accused me of stalking her

It hurt, bad

I was psychotic and was locked up

At Riverside Emergency

We’d taken Southwest Airlines

To the “What is White” conference there,

It was with my women’s studies class.

We were all women

As was my cross county team,

Obviously

Twenty percent or less of us freshman

Were Lesbian, maybe,

When we began Freshman Year

By the second semester

I would estimate sixty percent of us

Were at least experimenting

No harm in that, many were queer

And coming out at Mills College in 1998

So my Dad picked me up and broke me out.

Back to Seattle we flew,

I left my girlfriend without saying goodbye

I still think of that to this day

She probably was incredibly worried

She was a good woman

Back home at a local cafe

My best friend from high school asks,

“You still like men don’t you?”

I was like, “I do have my eye on a man.”

That was Steve, and we have been together ever since.

1998 to 2025 we have been partners, unmarried,

I only got out and experimented minimally

With other men

And I have been happy.

Steve has three chromosomes

He is Kleinfelders, XXY

Steve has been my protector and friend

He literally saved my life

As I struggled along with severe mental illness,

My previous life abandoned

I abandoned it, and it abandoned me

He has been physically disabled since 2017

We have not had regular intercourse

For about nine years

I have embraced this

And have been healing my sexual trauma

As a celibate person

At 37, in 2016, I entered perimenopause,

I began exploring my gender identity,

I have identified as non-binary

And bisexual mostly

But in my eyes now, I am a woman

I was Emma, then Moon, now Emily Moon

This feels good and right.

I am an artist; a painter, musician, and writer

I always have been these things

I should never have gone to a Liberal Arts College

I just thought it was the right career move

But that didn’t work out, obviously

Over the years I pieced together an education with no degree

About three years of college:

One and a half semesters at Mills

Art classes for non-credit

Six different community colleges

Massage School for six months

Evergreen State college for two quarters

About 15 Early Childhood credits

Mental Health and Early Childhood conferences

Sometimes I did quite well

Often I dropped out because of mental health issues

Today I identify as unidentifiable:

I am Moon, I am Bi,

I am Asexual, I am Strait,

I am Queer, I am Two Spirit,

I am an Ally, I am Disabled,

I am a Mental Health Consumer,

I am an Alcoholic, I am in Alanon,

I am a Christian, I am a Pagan

I am and Aunt and a Sister and a Daughter

I am a Partner, a Friend, a Person

I am Questioning.

And this is okay

Whatever and whoever I am

I just need to trust

That I am where I am supposed to be

This very moment

God and the Universe have a plan for me,

I only hope that I am

Fulfilling that destiny…

With passion, with commitment, with loyalty

With style, with kindness, with patience

With authenticity, with creativity

With beauty

Beautiful I am