Mind Before Matter

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For about a week now, I have taken to bathing in the afternoon and relaxing in the hot water while listening to classical or chanting music. Yesterday, I awoke with tense shoulders and first thing I went to my mother’s hot tub, and then soaked my shoulders in the hot bathtub a second time later in the day. This practice, along with meditating and reading down at my willow tree in the morning, have led to me feeling better. I have been suffering a cold for over a month, and have needed extra time spent in relaxation. I have brought compassion to my life in the way of letting for this gentle evolution of my body fighting off an illness. Being able to accomplish less, has led to me setting very manageable goals. The illness is simply the guiding light to me living in a way that I should live anyways. I am always pushing myself too hard. This is in the construct of living a disabled life. I put this pressure on myself because I believe that I am not enough. If I could do more and accomplish more, I would then be enough; I would be worthy. The truth is I am worthy whether or not I accomplish many things or nothing at all. Accomplishing less as of recent, and practicing these self-care activities, I have nurtured my relationship to self and my worthiness. 

My program in AA is also helping me find a solid sense of self-worth. The expectation is simply that I not drink. There is the focus on developing and nurturing a spiritual path and a relationship to God or a Higher Power. The difference that I feel being a part of AA recently verses past years, is that I am asked to practice this spiritual relationship in every moment. Steps six, seven, ten and eleven, have me giving over my flaws and seeking rest and respite in every passing moment. There is a design for me finding my way through the difficult moments. I get to look at my behavior and find solutions. The main solution is praying for the negative thoughts and behaviors to leave me, and to find solace and serenity in prayer and in giving up the negativity or darkness. 

The reality is that my medications are helping me build and strengthen pathways in my brain that reflect wellness and peace. But there is even more that I can do. I can practice the principles of AA and utilize prayer, surrender and serenity. Practicing these principles, allows me to build and strengthen positive pathways in my brain. I feel empowered knowing that there is something I can do to lead a happier and healthier life mentally and spiritually. Often these practices benefit my physical life. Relaxation, meditation, exercise and prayer also benefit my physical health and wellbeing. I believe that mental health comes first. We must feel well in order to foster physical health in our lives. Shooting for only physical wellbeing does not necessarily mean that we are healthy. Mental and spiritual wellbeing must be priorities for a happy healthy life. At least this is true for me in this lifetime. Once I find mental wellness, I am able to practice increased physical wellness and health. I must take my medication, practice helpful principles, pray and relax in order to to find wellness of mind and body. How privileged I am to be well enough off to take the time for these life affirming practices.