Being a Channel

Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.

For it is by self forgetting, that one finds.
It is by forgiving, that one is forgiven.
It is by dying, that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Amen.

This prayer is commonly known as the St. Francis Prayer or the Eleventh Step Prayer. We read it every Sunday night in a meditation meeting that I attend. For years, I have read and observed this prayer in a certain light. When I read the words, “that where there is hatred, I may bring love; that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness…”, I imagined sowing these realities outside of myself in the world around me. But the other day, I tried something different. I tried saying these words out loud, and imagining these changes happening within myself. That where there is error inside of me, I could bring truth. That where there is doubt within me, I could bring faith. The meaning of this prayer thus became forever changed. It has become a reminder that all I really have control of in this life is what is happening inside of me, and that there are many places of transformation yet to occur within me. Deep, deep down inside of me, I still harbor despair, shadows, and sadness. But I can do something about this. I can sow hope, light, and joy. I can bring into the light love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, and faith. It is in my power, with the help of my god or higher power, to create a world within myself. In reality, this inner world is all I really have. Isn’t focusing on changing myself really what this journey is all about?

For some reason, I have traditionally read this prayer, which is also a beautiful hymn, as instructions as how to behave outwardly in my life. I imagined that there were places that I needed to bring peace and love, and that somehow I accomplished this with right action. This was still a meaningful message, and I heeded this advice. Reading this prayer as a hymn to myself rather, and looking deeply at what lay on my heart, this prayer changes into a completely transformational experience.

Reading an Irish poet, David Whyte, I became familiar with a poem titled “Despair”. He spoke of how despair can be a necessary interlude of our transforming. Perhaps in this prayer, we are encouraged to remember the dark parts of ourselves. Without that starting point, we might not be able to properly navigate our way to the light. For each beautifully positive word and experience, there is listed a darker experience right at its side. Love cannot exist without hatred. Looking at our hate, we then are able to find and sow love. In looking at my personal discord, I am able to then move towards harmony. It is honest and refreshing. In the balance of what I am seeking, I then am able to understand beauty. We need our darkness and our sadness. In visiting these places within myself, I then am able to realize things such joy and eventually peace.

The beginning of the prayer mentions becoming a channel of peace. This word “channel” directly lends to a transformation that is happening at the epicenter of who we are. It is important to remember that we need to work on ourselves, and give ourselves the time and space to visit these difficult places in order to eventually heal and realize peace. What I walk away with is that I need not turn a blind eye to the fact that there is still work to be done deep inside of me. If I am honest, I can bring to the surface my despair, I can become a channel of peace, and bring hope deep down to the depths of my body and soul.

It is up to me. It is my choice to stop and take notice. I choose to speak a prayer and imagine the change that I wish to experience within myself. I can sing a song, sit in silence, or read the words of the St. Francis Prayer commonly known as the eleventh step prayer. These actions allow me to learn to be a channel of peace, but this time it is for my own transformation. I tell myself that I matter; every bit of doubt, sadness, and despair inside of myself. Grateful is the word that comes to me as I experience this subtle transformation. I may just yet become a channel of peace in this life. Once I have brought healing to my inner turmoil, then I can learn to  bring faith, hope and light to the actions and the choices that I make out in the world.

I must add, that the latter part of the prayer talks about comforting, understanding, loving and self forgetting. This too is a powerful message. Putting others before ourselves. Committing our lives to service. I believe in this, I really do. First, it is important that I take the proper steps to heal my own inner darkness and turmoil. Reading the words of this prayer with intention helps me to do that. In forgiving others we are able to practice forgiveness, and then ultimately forgive ourselves or accept forgiveness deep down in our inner selves. Looking inward is important, but sometimes through the action of helping others, much needed doorways to our inner selves become opened. It is always a give and take of inner and outer. We begin the prayer with looking inward, and we finish the prayer with the work that we wish to do, be and see in the world. Dying and awakening to eternal life helps to describe this transformation that can happen within when we are able to become a true channel of peace. Finding and recognizing where we hurt is key to shining with love deep from inside. As a channel, I can touch both ends of this spectrum. As a channel, I look inward to find the answers that I need.