How is connection the opposite of addiction? Let’s break it down. What happens to me when I smoke a cigarette or drink alcohol? Essentially, I am shutting down. I am turning off and stuffing my feelings. I am using the substance to cope with difficult feelings, or perhaps to celebrate. And for some, over time, we develop a habit or addiction that is a constant in our lives. When I am using, I become shut off from my soft inner voice. Life can become harsh and anger can rise to the surface. I avoid feeling grief and sadness. Eventually I become disconnected from god or the spirit within. My spiritual life suffers. But so does my ability to be in close connection to my feelings. My relationship with others suffers as well, because as I become disconnected from myself, I may isolate, or lose my deep authentic connection with other people. Even if I am surrounded by other people that are using, I become increasingly alone.

As I give up these substances, I find myself increasingly vulnerable, and sometimes very emotional. For me, being involved in twelve step support groups, I am able to process all that comes up as I embrace the process and reality of becoming clean or sober. I personally attend around ten meetings a week in order to stay focused on the task at hand. Originally it was concerning drinking. I had developed a habit of stuffing my feelings while using alcohol, and anger was rampant in my life. As I sobered up, I became less angry. It was as though feeling in touch with myself, and reconnecting with the spirit that flows in and around me that I call god, my emotional reality became much more complex and subtle. The program I am in also helped me with tools that I use to reconnect to god and to others. I am learning about humility, serenity, surrender, gratitude, acceptance and service. I am using these as tools for staying clean and sober. When I was using and experiencing a lot of anger, it was as if the result of bottling my grief and shame resulted in the over bloating of my anger which then rose to the surface. I have worked through a lot these last 14 months of continuous sobriety, or 3 and a half years of attending support meetings. Now, I find myself venturing to quit smoking, and I have lots of connection and skills, as well as a clear line to the creator, in order to help me on this journey.

When I am connected, my life becomes increasingly selfless. When I am using, I become selfish, disconnected, and lonely. When I pray and meditate, I ground myself to my breath and body, and sometimes nature if I am meditating outside. When I am in a meeting, I connect to others through listening. They are sharing and being vulnerable, and I may experience healing as my pain resonates with theirs. My joy and compassion also may resonate with others as I participate in these groups. I have learned that selfless acts keep me connected to my spirituality and faith. I have learned that faith is very much about connection, and I can find that connection while doing selfless acts of service. The relationships that I continue to nurture in my life help me in feeling less alone and much closer to love.

I can understand now how connection is the opposite of addiction. It may be connection with my body and breath. It may be finding another that has suffered in the way that I have suffered and developing a friendship with them or simply listening to their story. It may be feeling closer to god as I do an act of service that benefits other people or the planet. It may be connecting with nature as I sit on the ground outside and listen to the birds. It may be sitting in silence, listening to my heartbeat and finding my soft inner voice while listening to my body and what it is trying to tell me through sensation. I am not alone. In the billions of people on this planet there may be thousands with identical stories as mine, but I believe in all eight billion, there is some similarity. In finding these similarities, focusing on love and connection rather than fear, hate, judgement, anger or our differences, we can connect as one being that struggles for light and peace on this planet we call home.