Stillness and meditation can be so very restorative. I often hear people talk about how this is hard for them as they have very busy and active minds. I too struggle with stillness, as I am much happier when I can say that I went for that long walk or got a list of chores accomplished. Right now we are in the thick of it. The end of January is a difficult time for many, and I am feeling the deep heaviness of this time of year myself. I am attempting to have a different perspective though. What can I gain from this heavy time, and what can stillness add to my life right now? Something inside of me is telling me that this is a very special and sacred time.

Perhaps running away to a tropical island paradise, though I congratulate those who are able to do so, is not the answer. For me, it is not a possibility, as I have a dog and travel is difficult with my disability. Sunshine is therapeutic in many ways, but I am searching for therapy in the dreariness of January. I still have to fight back feelings of ambiguity or depression. This keeps me very much in the moment, as I focus on the here and now and find the next good thing for myself to do. Sometimes this is stillness, and sometimes this is an activity of some sort. My goals are not very high, and just a small amount of activity, whether it is chores, exercise, or service of some sort, can pull me back into myself and away from the impinging thought of gloom. Stillness, as well, can help me find my center.

Sadness can be a good thing, as can anger, but we also have a choice in every moment if we wish to indulge in such feelings. I have learned that through mindfulness and focusing myself, that I do not need to be carried away or down into negativity. In some ways, especially right now in the end of January, I can know that the season is always evolving and that we are headed towards some springlike weather soon. I think the purpose of finding stillness and centering myself in the moment, is to let go of these feelings of sadness or negativity. I choose to stay positive, and to let go. The reality is that if I can do this, this strange darkness that is present this time of year, can offer a deeper means of centering and grounding. If I can push back any dissonant emotion, underneath is a very restorative stillness, and I am grateful for that.

There is magic to any time of year. Seasonally, if we can focus our attention and prayer on the season, there can be a gift for us waiting quietly in the stillness. My life has been difficult lately with my partner’s health challenges. I am realizing that this is a lot to carry. I need to slow down and listen to the dark stillness, in order to let go of the burden that I am feeling. Gratitude helps with this as well, because when I see that we have so much, I can soothe the sore muscles that are bearing the weight of a struggle. I must become spiritual, if I want to realize the weight that I can carry while being strong and supportive to my partner.

This season is an opportunity to tune into myself and soothe myself, so I can continue to support and help my loved ones heal. I too can benefit, focus and listen to the parts of me that need stillness, peace and healing. Two things that I know today, are that I am not alone, and that I do not need to be afraid. There is no need to hold onto these emotions in my body or spirit. I have companionship and support, and I can stop and let go. Thus, I am grateful to this dark and restorative time of year to get in touch with all that I can, and to realize all that I need to in order to keep moving through the cycles of life and the ups and downs of the seasons.