What Would Steve Do?

It has been a while since I dedicated a blog post to the man that I love. During my current reflections, realizing what and who Moon should be, attempting to gather myself at a time of year where we are on the cusp of much seasonal change, I came to a wonderful place of ease while reflecting on the beauty and the power that resides within my relationship and my dear husband, Steve. The universe, god, and the powers that be, put Steve in my path when I was just turning eighteen years old, and again a year later, when we began this beautiful journey that we have been on for the last twenty two years. Steve has been my rock, my teacher, my protector, my guide, and my lover. Still, today, when I meditate on what it is I need to do in my life to have a greater experience of balance and equanimity, I find myself drawn to the man that has been at my side for more than half of my life, and I ask myself, “What would Steve do?”.

I feel so lucky, that the man that I live with and travel beside on this life journey, has a seed of wisdom inside of him that not only guides him, it is a beacon of wisdom for myself, his lover and partner. I was attracted to this inner guide and light that he carries, and thus I fell deeply in love. Even before I was very conscious of my life path, as a young woman searching and dealing with mental illness in a crippling way, I benefited from having Steve in my life. Now, today, I am learning once again that obtuseness and soft edges are where the answers lie. This is very much why I have chosen the name, and mantra, of Moon. The moon guides me in a very gentle way, to find and practice what is healthiest for my mind, body, spirit, emotions and soul. As I get in touch with my inner moon, I am also guided back to understanding the wisdoms that I have been following within Steve for two decades. Imbolg, the point in the year that occurs half way between the winter solstice and the spring equinox, is my favorite time of year and solar holiday, and has been since I was just twenty years old. Every year, when the dark fall and winter months have been with us in their entirety, an orb of soft blue light finds its way to the horizon, letting us know in a subtle way that the earth is turning back towards the light, and that we soon should be prepared to welcome the annual birth of spring and the resurrection of nature, that happens every year. Because the month of March, when this forceful birth of spring begins, I have always been prone to symptoms, Imbolg became an important beacon for me to prepare for what was to come. It also became the time of year that I tuned into my marriage and renewed my vows with my partner, as is the old earth based tradition of Imbolg. For over a decade we have religiously observed this holiday as our anniversary, (though our actual date falls around April first). This year, I am rediscovering the magic that has always been my partner, and I feel him guiding me like a soft spring moon.

When I am faced with all of the complicated scenarios and issues that we deal with when we are participating actively with our recovery; from family co-dependance, boundaries with the world, inner resentments, and learning to care for and nurture myself in a loving and accepting way, I may think on the abstract concept of what the name Moon means to me, or in more difficult situations ask myself, “What would Steve do?” Sometimes letting things be is the answer. Sometimes a lack of response helps me build boundaries. Finding a way to nurture and accept myself in the light of self love can be the greatest challenge that I face. Being Moon, and not feeling like I have to dress up to go to the store or wear a bra, while accepting my body at this stage in life, is the courageous move. Gaining perspective, while being aware of a soft inner glow, finding the curves in life, and seeking a soft round edge instead of trying to force my organic body onto a graph while cutting myself repeatedly with the mechanistic expectations of the ego, is hard to do. It takes an inner mantra, and sometimes a guardian, a partner, who can show us the way.