Real Simple

I read recently that when a person suffers with illness, the best thing they can do is simplify their life. There is no shame in this. I, myself, resisted this for many years. I pushed myself to work for a sense of purpose, and so that I would feel like I was making a valid contribution to me and my partner’s collective existence. At the time, this was very important to me. My twenties was spent working jobs, going to school, and attempting to recover to the point that I one day would find myself in an actual career. That in the ”future” I would be able to support my partner, and my hopes were that I would become a major fiscal contributor to our lives, and that we would attempt to get ahead in life. We borrowed money to buy a house, and I chose to become a massage therapist and gave up being an early childhood teacher. I trained as a mental health peer counselor as well. But at the age of 27, after giving success what I felt like was a final shot, I found my illness taking a hard grip on my life, as I was hospitalized for a psychotic break once again. So I simplified. I moved to Lopez, focused on exercise, and got a simple part time job as an assistant teacher at a daycare, as this is what I knew. I continued painting, I wrote children’s music, and eventually found myself writing once again, as I started this blog in 2014. In 2012 I started going to church. I moved on from childcare, and got an office job at the local visitor’s center. I sold tacos at the farmer’s market with my husband. I played a little rock and roll with a friend. I also continued to party every now and then, and continued to spend time at the local watering hole as this was where my partner worked. When you are married to the restaurant business for two decades, it is a hard habit to break. In 2016, both me and my husband found ourselves pressed hard against a wall. 2015 was a final push with the taco business, as well as his job and mine which were both extremely stressful during the busy tourist season here in the San Juan Islands. Steve had been having trouble on his feet for a few years, and needed major surgery. I pushed myself too hard and found myself having my fourth major psychotic break, though I avoided the hospital due to an amazing support network in this small community, and my family. Steve was facing disability, and my disability was showing its face after lying dormant for many years.

Due to lack of money, giving up work, and living on disability, we were forced to majorly simplify our lives. Though we could no longer afford to eat out, shop, travel, or go to the bar, all of these things eventually revealed themselves as excess. I finally gave up drinking, Steve quit smoking for his surgery, and we found ourselves together in our long narrow modular home, playing cards all winter long. Life has evolved over these last few years, as it is now 2019. We have had to rely on family support for housing and transportation, as well as “extra” expenses such as removing a large tumor on our dog, Bruce, and we are blessed to have this support. We both started a healing journey that is still a major part of our lives today. My twentieth high school reunion came and went; I did not attend. I turned forty the other day. I self-published a book on mental illness about a year ago with the help of the community and my family. I have continued writing for this blog, as well as a few poems. I have a second manuscript, though I have needed a little time to recover and assess the journey of publishing my first book, and the energetic birth that ensued due to accomplishing that. Though writing is important to me and a big part of who I have become and what I plan on moving ahead with, my focus remains on simplifying my life even further. I prefer to watch what I eat, go to the gym, and strengthen and build bonds within family. Now that I spend almost all of my time at home, and on this beautiful property on Lopez Island, I care deeply about maintaining this place. A strong sense of place nurtures a strong sense of simplicity in life. I have slowed and grounded with the earth over these last few years. I have had a lot of time for reflection, and have also needed this time to put the pieces back together, adjust to new medications, strengthen my wellness practices, and dig deeper into healing the wounds of my past. I have examined and adjusted my relationships with spirituality and identity. I discovered that being willing to be uncomfortable and ask uncomfortable questions shows the true strength of process, and a willingness to grow, change and heal. Most of all, a willingness to accept and cultivate a sense of simplicity, truly understanding that less is more and good enough is best, I am finding myself rounding a curve where I can dream once again. In my gratitude and acceptance of the way things are, I am finding courage to dream, to reach, to change. Bless you on your journey, of self discovery, of spirituality, of pain and suffering, or humbleness in the joy; wherever you are at this moment.