What is Faith? There are several Faith cards in the tarot. There is the the Tower, Death, and finally the Devil. The Devil represents trusting in the unprovable, believing and living in the unprovable. This became enlightening to me recently because I have often wondered why Faith became something to wrap my brain around, or rather my heart around starting in my early thirties. I have wondered why Faith was not something that I had had an intimate relationship with in my adult life… how could something so basic betray or elude me? I dove into Christianity very deeply, studied the Bible and came to believe in Jesus because this spoke to my Catholic roots, my Lutheran/Catholic/Christian childhood, and very much my American culture. Though I had a huge resistance to Christianity, part of the journey was to challenge and heal this contradiction and very strong prejudice in my nature. I gave up Environmentalism early on, because it lacked an element of hope and Faith and it wore away my positive outlook over time. I understood the basic concept of forgiveness and acceptance, and I believed it was not healthy to despise or hate any group of people or set of beliefs, and this made me a terrible hypocrite. So what began as an experiment and a curiosity, turned into an amazing experience and journey in me discovering one of the most profound lessons life can bring. Faith. Having faith and living your life trusting in the unprovable and being capable of journeying into accepting/trusting the signs of the universe even when they cannot be proved or make sense in a concrete reality.

That was just it. With schizoaffective disorder I struggled deeply with reality. I was told that this was a problem, a sickness. I was placed in a very institutionalized and authoritative mental health system, prescribed medications that kept me out of the psych ward, and I was told that all of my thoughts that could not be proved and strayed form reality were psychosis and illness. I was basically taught or told to not have Faith. Ironic when Faith is exactly what I needed to break a major barrier in finding and pursuing wellness and health. But mostly the mental health system, rogue in its essence, is under funded and under researched. It is just barely eking by in managing the problem while avoiding the worst or avoiding the hazardous. 

So I have had to take a huge leap in my evolution and healing pertaining to my mental illness. I said in my book, that the belief in God can be seen as insane, and this is true if you understand anything that is not provable is a lie, a faltering reality, or not true. But people have believed in God, Gods, or whatever word/words you use for tens and tens of thousands of years. Back to the megaliths and pyramids. They must have believed to create such amazing structures. Though science must have aided the building of such things, they speak deeply to us today as representations of Faith or God or Belief with a very ancient and ancestral tune and flavor. 

It is a magnificent dream, and as my faith continues to evolve, I find that my altered mental states, realities and visions are potentially as true as the medicine that has saved me. So as I journey on in my dream, my reality, I accept that I really can’t trust any authority over me that says what is true and what is not. Finding and conceptualizing reality was a very difficult thing for me to do. Where one might accept being told what is reality and what is not, I have never been a huge fan of authority and I am very well aware that this is the spell that the corporations, political and religious entities use to control people. If the truth was out that Faith is easily and simply accessible without religion or schooling, and that reality is and will always be subjective; that the true gold resides beyond the provable, and we truly are free humans with endless capacity and room within our brains, that are not being utilized fully, this leads us to the probability that much is hidden from view and those in power and control are operating under illusion and faith that we will buy their crap. No-one can ever truly have control over us, our reality, or our belief.