Springtime Altar

Tuesday morning and overcast but sultry. Yesterday was filled with sun, and today feels like a gentle repose, and a good stage for contemplation. It is almost spring, yet the daffodils are blooming and my plum out my window is achieving its fullness. My sensitive self has emerged, and though I am properly medicated, I am feeling fluid, transformative, prone to visioning and dreaming. This is sweet and I have opted for a sabbatical in the months of March and April. I do not know what will come. It is like all the pieces are being thrown up in the air and they will fall where divinely orchestrated. It is like I am on the edge of a cove and the tide is pulling with great force and will wash away my self in all its construction. I am surrendering, and as my sand and pebbles transform and change shape, I am reminded of the fluidity of life, and am preparing for a new outlook, a new mission, new discoveries, and for my many obstacles to be burned on a springtime altar. As these obstacles turn to ash, so does my ego or false sense of self.

There is tension in my shoulders and I seem to have little energy for cleaning and maintaining the many chores of life. Steve is so withstanding and he does not mind carrying the brunt of the house duties as I dream and wander in and out of my self. My creativity is heightened however, and I find it easy to create, write and meditate. This blank canvas means wandering through the woods to find little fairy bird nests, old stone circles and small jaw bones placed at the foot of a burnt stump. It means I am most comfortable in nature and wish to immerse myself in it most of the day. It means my mornings are spent dreaming and reading tarot, or journaling my journey. It means accepting a dirty floor and piles of laundry. It means savoring the connections I have with others and thinking deeply of my life’s path and journey. It means hours spent napping or cuddled in my bed reading a good book. It means not knowing what will come next and having no plans. It means very much living for the moment and traveling on wavelengths that I do not always visit. I have burned the obstacles to my true self and I am able to ask questions that I am not always courageous enough to ask. As the obstacles of the ego or a busy life fade into the smoke filled sky, I can see what it is I truly desire and crave. I set intentions for the year to come.

This is my quest, if not properly medicated it can quickly spin out of control. I can end up wailing uncontrollably, sobbing, shouting, or experiencing extreme psychotic fear. But I also see the magic in this time. I do not choose to go numb, to forget the beauty of my nature and who I truly am. With intention I can tap into this self underneath the medication that keeps me from flying away from the earth and becoming lost in the vision. I feel lucky to be able to balance the two sides so well this year. Hormones have made it harder to deny the natural state of visioning and I am finding purpose and meaning to experiencing this in the filtered way that I am. I am grateful to be with you, in reality, in a balanced emotional state, but also able to journey into the magical with sure footing.