Small Triumphs

I have been pondering my value as a person. We may not realize how much these perceptions of ourselves affect our moment to moment or day to day, but they really do. I have value, you have value. But why do we measure the things we do every day and then weigh this against our self worth. I have realized recently that being schizoaffective, one of my jobs is to take and manage a gamut of medications. I am on several, maybe more, and the simple act of remembering to take these meds, laying them out weekly with my vitamins, and taking them every night, can feel like a challenge in itself. I realized recently that this is because of the importance of this act, and that taking my meds is vital to my health, wellbeing and survival as a  person with severe mental illness. Also, my body and brain are doing real work in adjusting these medications within my mind, brain and body, constantly working at the job of managing and correcting the flaws in my brain chemistry. This is no small task and I am this body and this brain. I am doing this. It takes immense effort and I deserve a little credit for this actually amazing accomplishment.

My chemical imbalance can be seen like near-sightedness or astigmatism. With my brain, I experience and interact with this world, and my brain needs some medications to act as spectacles in order to see and act with accuracy. When dialed in with the help a psychiatrist that I know and trust, this can become an “easy” thing to manage. But, every little thing we do to take care of ourselves matters greatly in our lives. Our lives are filled with small adjustments and tasks that we partake in every day to make our lives and selves healthier and happier. Washing our faces, taking our vitamins, keeping up on physicals and eye exams, flossing and brushing, cooking good food for nourishment, keeping our spaces clean and tidy to help with a clear mind and happy environment, taking care of our vehicles so we have transportation, taking care of our children in the endless way we do and teaching them to care for themselves, caring for and feeding our animals who bring us endless joy, staying up on emails and phone messages so we responsibly communicate with our families and friends, and in countless other ways we are practicing care for ourselves and our lives. All of this takes discipline, and can be taken for granted. I have found that putting myself to the task of practicing what we call Basic Health in the mental health world has caused me to greatly value being disciplined at what might seem to others as basic everyday tasks. And as I was saying before, one of the most basic, taking my medications, should definitely not be taken for granted as it is one of the most important and life sustaining “little” things that I do every day.

This all brings me back to utter amazement at the simplicity of finding joy in our every day. I do believe to some extent in Karmic realities, and we cannot pull and take from this universe in endless ways without it having a certain amount of give at some point. There is suffering. If we are paying attention we see the suffering, in the many deaths, go-fund me’s and illnesses that plague our families, friends and local communities. If we are at the top, expecting only more, we may have deluded to ourselves that this universal flow of give and take does not apply to us. Sometimes I imagine the truly privileged must be thinking this way. I do believe however, besides the occasional fluke or exception, that the karmic rules apply to most all of us in this world. So somehow, focusing in on my everyday tasks as truly an achievement, not only brings me pleasure and greater value for myself, it teaches me to take nothing for granted. Someone, somewhere is not able to or gifted enough to accomplish what I might see as a menial or simple task. I may think that writing books, having a million dollars, driving a new car or traveling the world are the substantial things to which I should be aiming to achieve. Then my life would consist of great value. I may think I am worthless if I cannot achieve a seat among the one percent. But this is a lie. Small achievements can be seen as epic steps, and they are. I am reminded to be grateful, and that I must work and put in my share of effort to thank god for all of the blessings I achieve karmically. Not everyone is so lucky. Maybe some seem to be supplementally lucky, but we never know where they will end up down the line, we never know what they are feeling and experiencing on the inside, and we don’t know where they will be in their next life, if that is something you choose to believe. I do believe in many lives, and I believe in destiny. I believe that karmically I am here to see and face exactly what has been put before me for a reason. I hope and intend to not miss the copious supply of gems that life can reveal if I look closely and work diligently at what I am able to accomplish.