Chrysalis
Well it is the first day of the Saturday Market. I woke this morning remembering the mornings where we woke up, filled the truck with necessary goods, filled and hauled water, went through inventory, heated up huge pots of taco meat and loaded them into the truck, then headed into town where we would buy ice and begin to unload the heavy equipment to set up our booth and start our day. It was always quite the marathon. It is officially the beginning of summer for us vendors, though this year we both find ourselves in recovery. I am going through a meds change and Steve is one month home from the hospital and still recovering from his major surgery. A couple days ago we were sitting around the house, I was laying down in tears and overwhelmed and Steve hobbled in and sat on the bed and said, this is us, we are disabled.
Yes, we both receive disability for major health issues and yet we are living such a sweet life together. The dogs are happier than they have ever been as every day I wake and take them out for an hour romp around the property. I do this twice a day plus a possible trip to the beach. Also we are home. Neither of us work and we are here, our presence is appreciated by all out little animal friends. We also nurture ourselves and I have been doing so through writing and reflection in the woods, tarot and prayer. I swim in the pond and am able to spend time helping family because I am not exhausted from a busy summer job or the Farmers Market.
Join O’Donahue speaks that we are clay. We are made from this earth and within us there is an intelligence, a light that is not our very own. It is very ancient and we have access to this light and this peace if we are able to slow and tap into this ancient life force. Our busy lives or torment are on the surface, but we are a part of something so much greater. I have also been reading a lot of Marion Woodmen. She is a Canadian Analyst that did most of her writing in the eighties and nineties. She speaks of in her book Conscious Femininity about addiction to perfection and other issues. This is what I have been talking about for weeks in my blog, how I am overcoming this addiction to perfection, but I am doing the right things. I am listening and connecting to my body through meditation, writing and tapping into my creativity through extensive journaling, and slowing down to separate myself from the ego and the doer mentality. Her book The Pregnant Virgin also speaks of tapping into something greater by slowing down and overcoming the ego. She speaks of a chrysalis and in order to enter this state of transformation we must stop the inertia of our busy lives and allow for change and rebirth.
I am entering the chrysalis and I may have already built myself the walls of this new life phase. I have retreated and it is painful, but it is good. I have surrendered myself to not working and I am joining Steve on a path of recovery. I am thankful for being able to enter this phase of healing in my life. So here is to a day of new insight and reveling in the silence of the day. May healing and transformation prevail.