Words of Ease

I am exhausted. Though I feel the positivity of success and survival. We are surviving Steve and I. He survived his surgery, and now he is home and I am on 24 hour care taking duty. Right now Steve is sitting perched on his stool, surrounded by the table and the dresser for support, cozy in a throw blanket and of course nestled in his neck brace. His eyes are shut and his breathing is delicate. The window is open and a slight breeze is pouring in the house and out the open door. It is a sunny spring day and all is well. 

I needed to write, taking care of Steve has me on 24 hour alert and I expend a lot of energy through worry. I bathe and dress him, feed him and shuttle behind him for support on his little walks around the house. I am doing the dishes and trying to keep the house tidy, but today, day three of Steve being home, I can’t seem to bring myself to sweep the floor or do the dishes. I have been keeping up on the house so it can survive an afternoon without attention. 

I suppose I am needing attention. The only way I know how to do that in this moment is write these words, and take a pill. I got some exercise this morning as I did four laps around the 10 acre property, and that felt good to move my legs and be in nature while watching the dogs romp and play. I am not up for company and Steve is here telling me as usual to not worry about the chores. 

There is not a lot going on day to day, but every hour there seems to be some sort of adjustment. We must move his body every hour, we take pills every two hours, sometimes every four. There are meals and the constant checking in to see if Steve is cold or needs a glass of water or an adjustment of some sort. I am happy to care for my man. I love him with all my heart and I couldn’t be happier to be the one to be constantly checking in with him. With every word that pours from my fingers onto this page I feel better. Writing soothes my soul. The last couple of mornings have been difficult, but when I sit down with my journal for the 25 or 30 minutes it takes me to write the three pages, I can feel the tension seeping from my spirit. 

So I dedicate this blog to you, my reader. Without you I might not have had the reason to lay down word after word onto the page. Each word has saved me and I thank you, for being there to receive them.