Serenity

Step Six – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step Seven – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

AA seems to have many gifts to provide. Whether I am an addict, a co-addict, or simply on a path of recovery, I have benefitted much from a book recently titled “A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps”. Step Four and Five touch on surrender, acceptance, loving solitude vs loneliness, ridding ourselves of self-hatred, releasing shame, having pride in our achievements, having healthy boundaries, and respect for fear and anger, just to name a few. If one is to take the time, which for many of us only happens when a huge hurdle is put in our path like cancer, the death of a loved one, or an addiction that has become out of control, one faces much grief, shame, and regret. It is most likely hidden away deep in our psyches, bodies and spirits. I can’t explain why the twelve step program, though I am not following it currently with a sponsor or in regards to alcohol, holds the power to heal for me, and has throughout the years. Perhaps for me it is because, though sharing all my flaws with someone openly is a major step, I wish to pursue healing without a specific therapist. I wish to embark on a journey that is guided by myself and pursues a strengthened relationship with God and the forgiveness and love that He bestows.

The power of prayer is grand and if we choose to believe in it, it can perform miracles over our lives. So today I borrow from the twelve step program and I ask God “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. I have a lot of pain and grief and shame due to my illness and disability. I have self-hatred; believing that I have failed or that I just cannot succeed no matter how hard I try. I have sadness, regret. With this prayer I ask God to remove my shortcomings, and bless me by basking me in the gentle light of forgiveness, acceptance, love and hope. Grant me the resilience I need to continue pursuing my goals and moving through life while continuing to recover from the bangs and bruises that I have self-inflicted. Grant me serenity Lord.