Self-preservation

What is pertinent to know about this season of Fall for myself? What I am finding out this season is that I am drawn into self-preservation. For many months now I have been operating on an extroversive level. I have been ‘serving’ people at our taco stand and at the Lopez Island Chamber of Commerce, and I have been helping friends on many levels, offering up my place to stay at, supporting one during an eviction, and working at my sister’s wedding. There has been a lot of outward and selfless thinking and performing this summer. It has been fulfilling, yet now I have landed on the edge of Fall, yesterday the last day of summer, knowing that dark rainy mornings are on the horizon, as well as chilly early evenings with a fire in the hearth.

I am looking forward to working on things that revolve around paying attention to and focusing on my own inner workings. I may read a helpful book that discusses a life that parallels mine or causes me to reflect. I may spend an afternoon, early morning or late night stroking a canvas with expression and color. I may read and edit my blog posts, or increase the number of poetry posts I make on Welcome to the Grit. Most of all I am feeling thankful for this realization. At the moment I am noticing what in my life is pulling me in the wrong direction. I am bringing awareness to this feeling, as I hope to alert myself to making needed adjustments in the future.

I do not feel selfish for this need. Sometimes life is about service, to the world, our friends and our planet. However, if we do not take those much needed moments of self-reflection and self-preservation, we will have nothing to give and may become resentful. I am nurtured by my animals, my home and spending time with my significant other while preserving and watering our relationship. I am looking forward to yoga, reading, painting, cleaning and organizing, and above all reflecting on and preserving my own life. I thank my own inner wisdom for realizing this need and allowing space for this reflection on my life as a whole.