Every day is a new feat. I feel myself returning to old habits now and again and wish to pursue my path of wellness. There is a balance to this. Sometimes it is imperative to slow down and take a break, my body and mind swirling from too much activity needs to be jump started into an intentional interruption from life and commotion. Friday morning meditation helped me do this in a very big way. Just sitting and letting the world swirl around me, I inhaled the day as it was, and exhaled out the quick pace of over activity. The rest of the day went smoothly without me needing to fill the unsettled silence with something to do yet again, perpetuating the cycle.

Sometimes it is okay to leave dishes in the sink, and laundry unfolded in the basket. I have even avoided writing in my blog just to remain in a new found and necessary state of non-activity. Routine is a wonderful thing until it becomes a penance or a burden. I do wish to not fall into bad habits, but maintaining my good ones was becoming a bad habit on its own. This is the old habit I wish to avoid falling into. Obsessing over the righteousness of a clean house and getting things done, can do major damage to the psychology of living in the moment. I will continue to pursue yoga, I will continue to mow the lawn, but flexibility instead of rigidness is also a way of life I crave and wish to inhabit.

It is important to not let others tell us how to live our lives. Sometimes it is ourselves we need to intentionally not listen to. There are voices and patterns inside of our minds and brains that urge us to become something we secretly despise and dispel.  For me it is a compulsive over organizer, an obsessively irrational achiever. It comes out in various ways and has strayed in form from its source as it inhabits me in its individually unique way. It has been my demise over and over gain. I feel I am filling a deep dark void writhing my heart and soul, and replacing it with the emptiness of accomplishment. I doubt I am the only person on this planet or in this society that is guilty of this empty path.

So I take a break. Again it is not always easy to stop. I fall into this cycle of getting revved up with busyness simply form having too many things or too much work in my week. I then begin to spin out of control if nothing is done to intentionally derail from the tracks and throw a kink in the line in order to help me ‘progress’. Progressing for me has been redefined as an internal evolution; finding a way through the dark pit of ignorance that lives inside of this body and mind. It is necessary to surround myself with philosophies that seem backwards or anti productive, in order to train this bad habit out of my system. Sometimes simply enjoying life can be so much more of an accomplishment than anything else imagined. So I take a break, no matter how difficult it seems to find itself, and try to swim backwards for a moment in this amazing web and catatonic fervor that lives within me.