The Waltz

What is waiting for me? In my mind I search for the answers. I become one with the moment the slower I get, the freer I become from the general nagging of this world. As I stated in my last Blog, I am on a journey. I have begun traveling in a way that I have never experienced. I have broken from what calls me in a regular schedule, one that keeps me plugging away at long term goals and missions. Life is not always about service. It is also about worship. And the stiller I become and the less worry I have around meeting certain obligations, the more I am thrown into a revelation that is having a cascading effect on my soul. I had forgotten what this was like. Years ago I did not work a job and had many days filled with reflection of myself. Unknowingly I sat with God and painted and scribbled my troubles, worry and disbandment.

I am savoring this time. A couple weeks off of work has left me with a seemingly unending day that flowers and exhales with rhythm like Gymnopedies No. 1 by Erik Satie. It plucks along like solemn notes on a piano, that string together one by one leading you up and down the scale of life that we all work with, like the dripping of water that eventually causes a bowl to overflow. I am unraveling, I am dissolving. What is left is a person with a bruised brain and many longings. One may not know what they are yearning for. One may not know that their deeper questions can take one around a ring only to end where one started. I then walk into the middle surrounded by the symphonic sound, and I listen. The music navigates the would-be tears and creates a tapestry, a painting with all of the colors of my life. It is beautiful, and as I revel in it, the discoveries, the truths, the questions and the unending tune of my soul, I can begin to hear my own voice have a place in the larger tapestries of our planet, our collective life.

Johann Strauss then takes me to a carnival, no worries no cares, just the enjoyment of the passage, of the waltz; a waltz where I am the one being played for, where I am the one orchestrating the many notes; a dance where my loved one can hear me, one where I become a masterpiece. It cannot and must not stop; I want to continue to waltz in this life where I can actually hear the music. Life without the music is staunch, it is lost, and it is mundane. But what is harmful of not hearing the waltz that was written just for you, that is you, a song that not only manipulates your world, it is the tune you are made of, was born to be? One can only know the answer to this if they pause long enough to listen, to change their course and realize their potential. Life is service, but without God, one may never know what is happening to and with the music in our soul. Just try; can you hear it?