Rest, Activity, and Imbolg

It is a beautiful sunny morning outside. I can feel the tug towards Imbolg, the second of February, where we celebrate union with the ones we love and the horizon of Spring and Winter. It is my favorite time of year. Usually, my partner and I have a fire outside symbolizing the renewal of our vow to be committed and loving towards eachother. There is little evidence of the return of Spring, while the last couple of mornings have had heavy frost and the nights have been cold, and yet the birds sound different. I have spied some geese landing, and there is more light in the mornings and the evenings. This Winter, I have attended the gym and been for many walks down the roads of Lopez in the snow and rain. I have survived the darkness and the weight that can bring. Still, I long for dry ground to sit on in the sunshine in silence with my dog, and I look forward to warmer days and swims in the pond. Part of the reason that I cherish Imbolg so much, is that it represents hope for these times to come. We are reminded that the Earth does keep spinning, and does so with such dependability. It is a reminder of Faith, and it is a time where I celebrate my most blessed accomplishment in life, my relationship with Steve, my love.

We are in the depth of Winter, at this very moment, and I have been learning to love and appreciate the stillness. I have been working out more at the gym, and am tired on my days off. I fear that I am not keeping up on chores as much as I would like. The death and life of Thich Nhat Hanh, has me contemplating and appreciating stillness and mindfulness. Is it really the end of the world if my floors go one more day without being vacuumed? My priority is my health. Exercise and mediation, prayer and sobriety, mental and physical health, are my goals. I have been wearing myself out, and the need for contemplation and stillness has increased as my activity level has increased. I must have faith that I will eventually get to those floors and the  dust that seems to be everywhere as this late January sun pours through my house. It seems I must sacrifice one goal for another in order to maintain the balance of stillness and activity.

In my Wellness Recovery Action Plan that I have been working on with my therapist, there is a chapter dedicated to my Daily Plan. I suppose that a typical day looks like this. A slow morning where I wake up and drink coffee and prune juice, exercise of some sort or a restful activity such as mediation at the willow tree or writing on my blog as I am doing now, three simple chores, planning and cooking two meals for the day, and one or two AA meetings. I may lay down in the afternoon for a siesta, or rest to music for a half hour in the bathtub, as I usually am worn out and need quiet by the afternoon. Most days look like this. Rarely do I travel off island, and rarely do I take a day or weekend away for a workshop or trip as many people do. Personally, I am grateful for this regularity and this utmost simplicity, in my life. The advice and achievable goal of accomplishing 3 basic tasks or chores came from a therapist I used to see. This keeps me grounded and remembering to achieve in an approachable manner. There will always be more chores to do, and I have faith that tomorrow will come so that I am able to do more then.

The still and chilly day, the frost and sunshine outside, have me remembering that we are still very much in the dead of winter. But once the new season begins to move in, it can do so with great force. Often I am thrown off balance and experience symptoms in the Spring. If I do my homework now, and manage my mental health with the utmost responsibility, I may find that I can adjust to the change that soon will be everywhere, and pursue wellness of mind and spirit during that time. What that looks like for me today, is to mange my energy, to balance my activity with rest that remains restorative. If I am going to pursue fitness at the gym the way that I have been doing, I must allow for recovery days where I nurture and lean into my exhaustion. Steve, the man I honor this coming holiday, also is disabled, and is a champion of rest and meditation. He constantly reminds me to take a break and not beat myself up for not achieving the level of cleanliness around the house which I feel I can never quite achieve. I am so grateful to have him as a guide and companion on this life journey. May you find stillness and balance this time of year, while we are on the brink of great and new beginnings. Let’s cherish this moment, where we slowly begin to shift from the dark towards the light, the cold towards the warmth, and as we renew the bonds and relationships that are there for us, whatever the season.