Accepting Illness
“I love and completely accept myself, just as I am RIGHT NOW.” - Affirmation, Anonymous
There is a lot of wisdom in these words. Acceptance of myself has been huge and instrumental in my recovery from my mental illness that I have had for more than twenty five years. I learned years ago that if I wanted to be well, if I wanted to thrive and live a full life with mental illness, I needed to accept the illness fully. Accepting that one is mentally ill is no small feat. It mirrors the journey of an alcoholic accepting that they are an alcoholic and removing any denial of addiction. In the recovery rooms I attend, I see many people struggle with the acceptance of addiction. There may be more work to do yet, because when we take away our coping mechanisms or stop self medicating, we may find that we suffer chronic mental illness of which there are many. A few are depression, anxiety, ptsd, and bipolar disorder. I have spent enough time in the rooms, that I have come to believe that alcoholism is definitely a type of mental illness.
Accepting mental illness involves becoming willing to take your meds and to accept treatment. For some like me, you may find comfort in a twelve step program. I have a psychiatrist that I see regularly as well as a therapist/social worker. One may also have a case manager and a peer counselor in their recovery bundle. Recently, I have stopped telling myself that I am not enough. I have embraced recovery in the fullest sense of the word. I have accepted that my mental illness is a full time job, and I do my best to practice basic health and wellness. I also am a recovered alcoholic, because in my immaturity over the years, and my resistance to getting real help and assistance for my mental illness, I practiced drinking alcohol, at times to excess. A twelve step program is essential to keeping my eyes on recovery full time.
In this acceptance of both alcoholism and mental illness, and the willingness to accept and treat myself fully for these ailments, I am also learning to practice acceptance for myself in other ways. I am relinquishing my attachments to perfectionism and achievement. I am less judgmental of myself and others. I accept my body and my gender identity more fully. In sobriety I am less angry, and I not only tell the truth, I also apologize when I have made unnecessary waves of negativity around people I care about. I seek to educate myself as well as listen to other peoples stories and experiences with mental illness and addiction. I am learning to just be. I am learning to live a simple life, and through gratitude for all that I have, I am learning a new quality of life and existence. I truly want nothing else. I wish to be fully in recovery, and actively seeking peace and serenity in my day to day.
Right now, I can be okay. There is only the now, this moment. I can choose right at this very moment to accept who I am and who I wish to be. I can be better, more at peace, kinder or more responsible. I can make good choices for health and wellness. I can be me fully. I accept myself and my imperfections. This body, this spirit, we are on a healing path. It is a good place to be. There may be sacrifices that I make to choose a path of wellness and acceptance, but it is okay. The truth is that I am not entitled to any sort of privileged notoriety. In accepting myself as I am, I also accept my hollow places, such as the fact that I do not have a college degree, children, or money. But it is okay. I have so much, I really do, and I wish to check my privilege regularly. Clean water and a toilet itself is a privilege. But a nice home and yard, food, a loving relationship, good relations with family, and the health and wellness that I currently experience are amazing gifts. I am learning to also accept who I have been, and appreciate and acknowledge all I have accomplished and suffered through in this life. It comes down to accepting myself, as I am, right now, this very moment.