The Magic Power of Acceptance

Acceptance is at the center of everything. In dealing with grief, in overcoming addiction, and in living a full and happy life. Acceptance helps us be the people we are meant to be, by overcoming lofty expectations that we can’t seem to achieve, personal judgment, and the flaws that we see in other people, thus curing our resentments. The other day, I asked my mother if she expected that I would have a successful career because I was a star student in my youth. Her answer both surprised and pleased me. She said that she knew that I had a lot of potential, but what she wished for me more than anything is that I would lead a happy life. I have had to let go of personal expectation, and overcome the feelings of failure that I have been faced with when I look at my life. But once I let go of these false expectations, and I reflect back on the last 26 years of my adult life, I find that I have been extremely happy. I found love at nineteen, and then continued to pursue a life filled with enjoyment and good experiences. I can also assess, once I have accepted my life the way it turned out, that I did amazingly well while living with a serious disability. I worked, I played, I studied, I taught. I really accomplished so much. I can see this when I practice acceptance while looking back on my life.

One of the major steps in dealing with grief is acceptance. I believe it is the last stage proceeded by denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. It is thought that these stages happen in succession, but that is not necessarily so. We may feel angry off the bat, or depressed. Also it is empowering to know that we can practice acceptance at any moment while dealing with major grief in order to bring resolve to the situation at hand. Acceptance is a tool. It is a healing agent. It is a philosophy for life. It helps us move through difficult emotions, and can bring transformation to areas where we feel stuck. Panic and anxiety may come into play when we are dealing with a difficult diagnosis such as cancer. Recently, while dealing with my partner Steve’s diagnosis of lung cancer, we did not spend too much time in panic or denial. We were able to accept the diagnosis and move on to the prognosis. We were ready for immediate treatment, and we did not stall while in denial, depression or questioning. Today we are still accepting that we must deal with his cancer as we move forward with a second round of chemotherapy. But as we accept the situation as it is, we can move into action with positivity. We can let go of difficult feelings, and move forward with hope.

Emotional sobriety is another term for emotional stability. It simply means that we are able to deal with difficult emotions as they arise and not stuff them down and move into either addictive behavior or denial and depression. Doing our emotional homework so to speak, and listening to our bodies and emotions and what they have to tell us, helps us maintain a level of emotional sobriety. Acceptance is probably the number one tool that we can practice when faced with difficult emotions. Acceptance is a key tool in dealing with addiction. One of my early addictions was that of an eating disorder, a psychological addiction. To this day, difficult emotions may arise when I slip into harsh criticism of my body. I must practice radical acceptance of my body and curves in order to be emotionally sober and not decline into unbalanced behavior. It is something I have dealt with my entire adult life since my recovery from my eating disorder in my teens. Exposing myself to fat bodies, and diversity in my social media and the images that I take in, helps me accept my own body. There is no limit to the transformation and healing that acceptance can have on us.

I must accept my disability. I have been mentally ill and disabled since before I was eighteen. I am grateful for finding my partner at nineteen, who then supported me, so that I could live an independent life away from my family. I found emotional stability with a lot of work, and pursued a life of visual art, as an early childhood educator, dog owner, student, writer, poet and musician. I have had many experiences with my husband camping in nature traveling to the mountains and other parks. We’ve had a healthy sex life, and eaten good food at many restaurants. I am so much more than my disability. But until I fully accept my disability, I cannot move past the grief and sadness of this predicament. I will not deny, there have been times when I have felt stuck. There were times I drank to ease the pain. And there was a lot of healing that needed to occur. But acceptance was the key factor that helped me move beyond thinking that all I was was my disability. I have healed many times over. There continues to be layers to my healing and acceptance today; living with mental illness, having had an eating disorder, and overcoming addictive tendencies. I have come a long way. Love, companionship, and acceptance have been huge gifts that allowed me to heal. They continue to aid me on the path of healing today.