I’ve said this before but I have a favorite quote by Albert Einstein that has affected my life greatly. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Arthur Schopenhauer also has a quote that is one of my very favorites. “The man of talent is like a marksman who hits a mark others cannot hit; the man of genius is like a marksman who hits a mark they cannot even see to.” Both of these quotes have a common theme. True genius is not something that the average human being can recognize. Society is like the tree. For me, I have spent the majority of my adult life wishing that I could climb this tree. The tree of common people doing common things. Going to work, getting degrees, belonging to groups and having many peers they can relate to. This has not been my story. I have spent my life feeling like a fish that cannot climb this tree. Every time I try to climb, I end up hospitalized or crippled by the symptoms that I experience with my schizoaffective disorder. If I do try to climb the tree, there is often a human, or monkey there, demanding that I assume my position at the bottom of the tree and calls me out for being a fish. My metaphor in “Glass Slippers: A Journey of Mental Illness”, my second book and the  first to be published, goes deeper into this concept of not having cowboy boots, but rather glass slippers that no-one can see or believe in, and that they are crippling. My mental illness has been as such. But they are also a gift. I have learned that there is magic in my crippling shoes. All I have to do is avoid the cowboys and not get involved. I have to hide away on my quiet island and find peers and friends that are willing to accept me for who I am. I have failed to find the courage to attend a high school reunion, and refuse to fill my Facebook with too many blasts from my past. I prefer to live a life here that feels safe and protected, and where I can heal my trauma and discover what gifts I do have; what magic lies in these glass slippers that I didn’t even know I had until I had worked through so much pain. The pain of having mental illness and dropping through the web of society to the bottom of this figurative tree.

The Arthur Schopenhauer quote, a German philosopher from the late 18th and early 19th centuries, is coming into my current consciousness and healing. I have a dear friend in the program of AA, who was my temporary sponsor, and is currently in a home after a major stroke. She spoke the words to me one day after reading Glass Slippers, that she thought I was a genius. I have another dear friend of 18 years, who is in her mid sixties, who has shared much wisdom with me over the years. She too, has told me that my book is precious and beautiful. I know from a few people that they have found solace and comfort in my words, as I share my truth through my writing. The problem with hitting a target that men cannot see to, is that you are constantly plagued by bullies, people who are big fish in a small pond, or that are defending their societal position on this figurative tree. What does a fish do? If I am swimming over here where no one can even see me, what is the purpose to my work and my life? I have to have faith and carry on. The truth is that sometimes, living in a small rural community, and having attended Catholic and Jesuit schools, I have had to figure out how to survive in this “small” world. I feel like “Piggy” in the Lord of the Flies. I pray that I can survive the tempest, the wrath, and the persecution that I sometimes feel from average human beings.

But the truth is that we are not a bunch of ravage teenagers running around a tropical island, stranded and hungry for blood. This is a thing of the past and in today’s society we are learning to respect and honor disabled folks. There is a lot of support and love if you know where to look. I also have an amazing partner and family with whom I feel love and support. Healing these ties, I no longer have to look to the tree for peers and connection. Also, in the rooms of both of my programs, I find people that are willing to accept me for who I am. All of this love and support is showing me that I am actually gifted and not cursed. I can forget about the people that have chucked me to the curb throughout my life. I can learn to swim and work tiressly on my marksmanship, so that I can contribute to this society in an unconventional way. No one wants to look at the issue of Mental Health. Not when it is staring them in the face. Addiction and alcoholism too, are persecuted by the average masses, and we rely on anonymity to keep us safe. Lack of anonymity is what keeps many that need help from walking through the doors. So we need to work on awareness and love of these afflictions on a universal level, and stop putting ourselves above people that struggle with these disabilities. Imperfection is okay. Weakness is not weakness because it actually makes us strong, as does adversity. Please remember, there is more to this picture than meets the eye. There may even be a genius out there somewhere bringing their amazing gifts to the table, you just can’t see them yet. Remember, everyone is a genius and has gifts. Some of us are just still in the black.