Life and Death
It is a beautiful summer July day here on Lopez Island, and that means lots of people in town and all about. It is easy to hide away here on the property, and I am grateful for a place to live that means autonomy and general independence from exposing myself to too much tourism. Our lives, now that we are both disabled, mean that we can choose to the extent that we wish to participate in the summer events here on Lopez. The wind is blowing in my sunny window and as I breathe the fresh air, I am reminded of how lucky I truly am.
The death of my dog and a dear friend recently have me thinking once again about death. My experience after Christmas where a friend of mine died of Covid, after two other friends died prematurely, left me totally wrecked. I questioned my mortality and sanity over and over as I looked deep into the hole that one must pass through to exit this world. I went through such an existential crises, that I came out the other end with a deeper understanding of what death is and what it does to us. Because of this, I feel peacefully unaffected by my dog’s and friend’s recent passing. What seems pertinent, is that our suffering, the suffering that we may feel over the death of loved ones, is very much our own suffering. As I gazed upon the poster of my friend at the grocery store, I smiled at the expression on his face that the photo captured. I had only fond and happy feelings to reflect upon. I realized that he is just fine where he rests. Do I really need to wreck myself over the passing of his life? He offered so much in his living hours to me, all I feel is gratitude. I wish to smile on the experience of death, and I realize that the grief that we can feel is all wrapped up in the self. It is about our issues that we place upon the resting souls of those that were close to us. I can hear him saying, “It is not really about you.” This is true. More true than ever.
The peace that comes over me when I think of my dear dog’s and friend’s passing is real. I am not above becoming saddened necessarily, but recently, I was removed from sanity and wellness over death, and I refuse to make it about me this time. I believe we experience amazing peace when we die. All of us, mammal, plant and fish alike. My experience coming to know God’s will in my life, has me humbled and getting out of my own way. I do not need to make their deaths about me. I can know that their souls have moved on. I can feel peace and acceptance around this. I can lean deeper into my program. I can carry on and live the lessons that my loved ones taught me through their lives and their message.
That being said, I am sad they are gone. But for both, we knew this was coming. I just hope that I can do my dear dog and my friend, who was a teacher and taught me so much, the justice that they deserve. I can employ the love and the lessons that their lives taught. I can embrace the stillness that comes with knowing that they now are at peace and have entered the light. I can remember the love that they both spread in my life, and that they shared with my existence. We all die someday. We all will pass from this world. Every moment that we are alive we are interacting with the world, and these interactions help shape all that God has given us so generously. God gave us our lives and this world so that we could leave an imprint on all that is with our humble existence. And so I refuse to be devastated. There is so much beauty in the death, and therefore the lives, of those that have passed before me. May we all reach the shores when it is our time, and find salvation on the beaches of life and death.