The Joy of Living

I can be grateful that in my adult life, my partner and I have always found joy. We have lived these last 25 years having many experiences that held a certain amount of fun. It has occurred to me that not all humans find joy in their lives, and this is a small revelation. Is it because of suffering, mental illness or addiction? I have lived with a certain amount of addiction and severe mental illness, though most times my drinking wasn’t a huge problem, and there were many times that my mental illness was in remission. There were times when I strived for success and put myself back into school or work. I suppose there was always an amount of balance. But there were many times of joy and pleasure. Because of AA, I have learned to not regret the past nor shut the door on it. Somehow, my drinking, which later became an issue and a complication in my life, was not a huge issue in the beginning. Later, it became clear that I did not find joy in drinking anymore, and so I did my best to quit. Finding sobriety and recovery has brought a new joy as I age. Now, as I reach mid-life, I can see added value in making sure that my life has joy.

In maturity, I find joy in simple things. Petting my dog, enjoying relaxing in my bed, swimming, working out at the gym, eating good healthy food, and getting in deep intellectual discussions with my partner, all are regular sources of joy. I find so much joy in the love and appreciation of my niece and nephews. I find joy in the rooms of AA, knowing that others can relate to my difficult times. Joy has taken on a sort of maturity as I age. Joy can become thick and multifaceted. It is as if, in my early adulthood, I enjoyed sharp edges and thrilling experiences, and now my joy is smooth, round and subtle. The maturity of my joy rests on the life experiences and fun that I have cultivated my entire life. Because I have always made sure to enjoy my life, I was able to let go of the seeking of, and the excitement of, experience. I have been to shows, been camping all over Washington, been to Vegas, experienced a couple road trips with friends, eaten out hundreds of times at both fancy restaurants and food trucks, made love in nature and had intercourse until the sun rose, painted my emotions late into the night, sat around many fires with good company, and savored books that I personally chose to read. All of these experiences fed me, and created a foundation that later I have been able to rest upon, as I have learned to find joy in an increasingly simple life.

Now I enjoy the sun, swimming and walking in nature on my property, spending time with family, and wallowing away the hours in my small comfortable home with my dog, cat and partner. I like to be alone. I like to sit in nature. I like to write and process my emotions. I like to attend recovery meetings and learn how to be less dependent on addictive behaviors. I like being naked. I like scrolling through Instagram. I like snuggling with my cat. I can see how I have matured, and I am happy to do so. Living a life that always involved seeking out joy, I have learned to later find joy in the simplest of things. Joy has allowed me to connect with my authentic self, and build a solid personality and sense of self. Having fun is important for a healthy ego. As children, we encourage play, because play allows us to learn about both worlds, inner and outer. I have learned a lot on my path of joy in life. I am grateful to know who I am, and to have touched, smelled and seen all that I have been able to. I am oh so lucky to have had a person at my side through all of it, though I have also spent many days and nights alone while he was at work. This alone time I connected with myself. Having regular joy helped me find myself, know myself, and like myself. I hope you find some joy today. May joy heal all of us on our journeys no matter where we are at.