It is a beautiful sunny day here on Lopez. The first sunny day in March. The clocks will be changing in three days, and I feel we are on our way to a beautiful Spring which officially begins this year on March 19th. I have been making an effort to take a sabbatical that will extend into April for my mental health. This can be a challenging time of year for me, and sitting back and contemplating the change and birth of Spring is what I want to do in order to not spin out of control. Recently, I gave up a handful of service positions, and that will take place April 1st. I have been plugging away being there four nights a week for some time now, and managed to keep all of the positions during Steve’s cancer treatment September through November, which was an accomplishment. It was nice in a way to have the evening ritual to keep me grounded, but right now I am feeling a bit burned out. A fellow also said they were leaving their service positions starting April 1st, and all of a sudden I was struck with jealously, not to mention that he is also a rock, and I can’t imagine running the meeting without him. I slept on it and then made the decision the day following the business meeting that I, too, would be leaving April 1st. Running these recovery meetings has been a gift and a pleasure, and over time I have learned and developed skill. It is time however to give myself a break.

I am proud of myself for setting this boundary. For some time I gobbled up position after position as we had few people who were able to do it. I have been doing service in this meeting since October of 2021, and have had a pretty heavy load for over a year, possibly two. Service is a big part of my recovery, and I will continue to do service for other meetings I attend. Back to introspection, this is a pattern for me. I get into something good in my life, and I spoil it by going too hard or taking on too much. I did this a few years ago with the Library. I was a volunteer, then became a trained substitute. Somehow I began to overachieve. I wanted to dress nice, and give impeccable customer service. I was offered a job, and had to turn it down due to my disability. I was never able to go back to being a volunteer after being trained as a substitute and a possible part time employee. I loved the Library so much, and my parents were proud of me. I had exposure to the community and was developing skills. Somehow, my mental health had to take the wheel and I had to put down a boundary. I took a break and tried to go back several times. But after kicking up the gears for me there, and being the most highly trained volunteer they had, I had to eventually bring my work there to a halt. I had spoiled a good thing once again.

This behavior is very much why I set the precedent for a sabbatical in March and April. It is a time where usually we as a society kick it up a notch. We get outside for the first time in months, we begin pruning and mowing, and we wake up in general to the sweet smells of Spring. March and April have been a challenge for my mental health in the past. I have been known to exhibit symptoms and have episodes this time of year. I am learning to be smart while observing my patterns. So I will take some time off right now. Last night, I ran one of my recovery meetings per usual, and I was struck with the effort it took. That is partly because I have been taking my meds earlier and they were kicking in and making me feel weird. I am so grateful for my routines, taking my meds, and attending meetings every day. I just do not need to be in charge every night. For the last month I have been running my three meetings a week as well as cohosting for two more. Now I am back to four nights for the month of March. It feels right to step back, and I am looking forward to making it to the end of this month.

There are other areas in my life where I have been known to overdo it. I workout at the gym, spend time with family and friends, have attended several meetings a day, and pushed myself to have a clean and tidy home. I have a full and good life, and I enjoy doing all these things. Right now, just for the months of March and April, I am asking myself to spend more time in contemplation, prayer and rest. I still have my gym membership, I have friends that would like to see me, and I definitely have chores to do around the house, let alone the need for time with family. But day by day, moment by moment, I am attempting to take the pressure off. I hope to have some gentle Spring moments, where I am in blissful observation of all that is changing around me.