Fall is here! I am looking forward to Friday the thirteenth which will mark the end of our third week of Steve’s cancer treatment, or 3 chemo treatments and 13 radiation treatments. Right now, we have completed two weeks of chemo and 8 treatments of radiation. Fridays have taken on a new meaning now that I have the Monday through Friday 6am to 1pm job of cancer care, and Thursdays are longer days; about twelve hours of travel and treatment. The fourteenth is my sweetie’s 62 birthday, and hopefully we find something festive to do together. Last Friday on the mainland, we bought a nice large pumpkin for Steve to carve. Steve loves to carve pumpkins. The oak tree has turned beautiful shades of red and brown and has begun to shed its leaves. Steve harvested walnuts from our tree in the backyard, and is panning on a pie. Today is cloudy, but yesterday was glorious October sunshine, and I went for a swim in the pond on the property. I don’t mind the clouds, I love the coolness and wearing sweaters, scarves and hats. Autumn is a treat. I love these days that lead up to the winter months of rainfall, wind and snow. It is a time to pull inward and give ourselves the loving treatment we need. It is also the festive season of football, if that is something you enjoy. Steve loves football, and whenever we are discussing the teams and the games, which we do a lot, I know it makes him happy. I have such good memories of playing soccer or running cross country in the Fall. Back to school was a favorite time of year for me. Now it is a time to sleep in on days I am able to, lean into routine, and accept solitude at times. It is a time of transition, and for now, it is the quiet before the noise that can sometimes be the holiday season. I feel joy in this quietude and routine. I feel lucky.

In sobriety, I have settled into my routines. I have my meetings, walking or the gym, cleaning, rest, and family and friend time. I spend a lot of time with Steve because we are both disabled, and this works well for us. Right now I am tired. I am struggling with my medications and the side effects they give me. I have given up caffeine, and I am struggling. I have to propel myself with pure will power in order to get things done and to get going on Steve’s days of treatment. Walking in the morning helps. I walk about 30-40 minutes on the Ferry that leaves Lopez about 6:30am. On good days, I will walk on the ride home as well. I have been trying to stretch on the weekends to help with stiffness. In the morning when I wake up at 4am, I look forward to my walk. As I walk the laps around the passenger deck, it starts out totally dark, then gradually dawn descends on the water and the islands. I may pause to soak in the orange light on the horizon, and as we pull closer to our destination, I get to witness Mount Baker’s silhouette in the morning sky. By the time we reach our destination, I feel less groggy and heavy, and more able to be awake to drive the 45 minutes to the hospital. After 8 treatment days, we are beginning to get into a routine, and it has all become much easier. I actually greatly enjoy the trip. Getting up before dawn, riding the ferry, the drive, the friendly nurses, doctors and technicians, have become a new life; a life of pleasure, gratitude, healing, appreciation and love. I am reminded every day how much I love Steve. We are on a caring journey, and through it all we become stronger and are more connected.

Overall, my routine has greatly changed, but somehow, I am enjoying it. Cancer is not a blessing necessarily, but I have found so many blessings in our ‘new life’. Right now, it is the weekend, and I have made a new tradition of having a list of things to do that I slowly work through on these two days. I am not a list person at all, but it has been a nice new practice. I may put some easy tasks on the list, just to cross them off and to feel better. That being said, there are a few things that are not being tended to at this time, like the lawn for example, but this weekend I was able to wash all of the bed linens and make the bed, as well as a couple additional loads of laundry. I was able to do the tasks of emptying the trash, compost and recycle, as well as set up my pills for the week, call my sponsor, and take the shopping bags to the car. Anything I can place on the list helps me not only get things done, but find joy in feeling like I am working towards caring for my environment as much as possible. Along with the list, I am eating good food and getting lots of rest and sleep. My routine may be changing, but I am happy to find new pleasure in new things. Because of the chemo we are in quarantine, so lots of mask wearing and I am missing my niece and nephew. But, this will come to an end. I must pray, if you would join me, in Steve’s healthy recovery, and that the treatments are working and kicking the cancer. I have a lot of Faith, and I know that whatever comes I will be okay, because I have this faith and belief. Thank you for reading this and joining us on this journey of recovery and healing. Health and wellness to you and yours as well.