My Spiritual Experience

In AA, they talk about having a spiritual awakening as the result of practicing the twelve steps. There is also an addendum in the back of the book that talks about a spiritual experience. Members have felt that they may not ever achieve a spiritual awakening and all that implies; a sudden “god” or “higher power” experience. So they added an appendice on spiritual experience that all in all seems a bit more practical. In the spiritual program of AA, we learn of a personality change that seems to take place over time. I believe that this is what they were talking about within the concept of spiritual experience. Very much so, our addictions seem to be personality disorders. We are perfectionists, we are obsessed with self-will and the ego, we are absorbed in self-pity, we are resentful and angry, we hate our bodies, have achievement disorders, and more. Working the twelve steps, finding connection in the fellowship, and practicing the AA principles of gratitude, humility, patience, and acceptance, we slowly begin to change. Over time, and what I believe is happening to me lately, we begin to have a transformative spiritual experience.

Myself, I suffer from high expectations and judgement of myself and others above all other character defects. Often, this behavior invokes anger and rage in my person. Coming to awareness of these character flaws, has helped me to address and change these personality traits. Acceptance and gratitude, as well as patience and humility, have corroded and dissipated my flaws that are intrinsically connected to my addiction. I have begun changing for the better. I am setting good boundaries, and am less reactive and less triggered. I have accepted so much about myself, that I thought I might never accept. Mental illness, my body type, my family, my relationship, my economic standing, my friendships, have all endured this change in perspective. Healing is now at the forefront of my life. 

I have let go. I still try to take care of myself and I have goals that center around self care, but I am not harnessing my addiction and character defects, such as self-criticism, self-will, and shame, in order to attempt to control my life. Acceptance has played a huge role, as has the serenity prayer and learning that there are truly things that I cannot control or change. I am not perfect, but I see the beauty in the flaws that seem to stay. I have become willing to change things that I do have the ability to change. Attitude is probably number one on this list of things that I am in control of. Practicing acceptance, and changing my perspective and attitude, seems to open doors that I couldn’t even find before when I was angry and all wrapped up in the self. It all has come from letting go, giving myself over, and learning and practicing the principles of AA. 

I am so grateful that I have arrived at this place. As I continue to breathe, pray, and accept, I continue to have a true spiritual experience. This experience allows me to change. Getting out of the way, and allowing this change to happen at a core level, finding the core, and praying my way to clear vision, I only grow deeper in gratitude and acceptance for all that I have. It just keeps getting better. No, I am not perfect, and I am darn proud of this and also grateful for this, because being perfect was not doing me any favors. Thanks for letting me share with you part of this spiritual experience today, and thank you for being a part of that process by reading these reflective words.