Roots of Sorrow
Dedicated to Kevin Lundy 1976-2020; An angel
“In order to grow, you need sorrow; in order to become loving, you very often need distress, and turmoil is often required to release your deeper resources. Unless you have suffered yourself, it is not easy for you to understand those who are suffering acutely. Unless you have gone through some of the distressing vicissitudes of life, you cannot easily sympathize with others.”
- The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living Volume One: The End of Sorrow by Eknath Easwaran pp. 79-80
Pixabay
I have often wondered why I keep the subject and cause of Mental Illness so close to my heart. I become drawn to people and families that are suffering with acute mental illness because I have been there myself. I have been inside of the suffering. I have experienced the alienation and stigma that mental illness causes. I have suffered at the hands of a medical system that still does not fully understand the cause and treatment of most mental illness. There is definitely an effort in our western medical system to understand, diagnose, and treat those who suffer, but these attempts are often limited by lack of insurance and access, brain science that is still in the dark ages, and the fact that every patient responds differently to treatments causing this sort of “guinea pig” effect. I know how those who have mental illness diagnosis often become rejected by our society, and struggle greatly to manage and live the most humble and simplistic lives. We become starved of social emotional contact and respect, and slowly disappear further inside ourselves if we are not integrated in a wholistic treatment program. But so often this treatment does not happen, or once one has received emergency treatment by a mental hospital, they/we are thrust into a world with very few resources, and sometimes no way to continue with medications because of lack of medical insurance. Patients/consumers are also encouraged by society to go off of medication and reject diagnosis. Often families have been exhausted, and have nothing left to offer as far as emotional or financial support. From there, I suppose, homelessness, drug addiction, suicide, and such ensues. No wonder one of the first things we must face as mental health patients along with the acceptance of the illness and taking medications, is to find hope. One of the things that can be shared by talking to fellow patients and their families, and being open about my history and diagnosis, is a sense of hope. Being seen and accepted at the same time is invaluable. In hopelessness, that is what we believe; that we are alone, that no one sees us, and that in our hopeless situation, we have been forgotten.
What if what one seeks in this life is to be a spiritual person? Being a person that helps others and the greater good because you have suffered greatly, can ultimately be a very good thing. There are other ways that human beings experience pain and suffering. Maybe they have experienced starvation and poverty, maybe they have seen the violence of war either as a civilian or a soldier, perhaps they have physically suffered with illness of another kind, maybe people or family members have died and they have experienced enormous grief. Whatever the suffering, as we stop and heal, as we turn inward and learn to love ourselves, this suffering is then transformed into a resource, into strength. We can then draw on this understanding, on this memory, to reach out and help others.
I believe this is the purpose of life. It is very simple. First, we must understand our own suffering. We must discover and learn about our pain. And once we have found hope, once we have let God’s love in and have turned our broken pieces into armor and resilience, we must find others who do not currently see this light. We may not know how to lead a person that is suffering to the light. If they are in pain they may be acting out in pain. If all they know is hurt, this hurt is all they may be able to emulate in the world. Our acknowledgement and memory of our suffering will be our guide. If you and I can be empathetic and secure within our healing and our faith in order to stand secure in the face of a person’s hopelessness, tears, anger, rage, and suffering, then we won’t lose our way. We need to remember the pain from which we were born. If not, we might become forgetful and in this forgetfulness we might judge and reject those around us in need. The above quote from Easwaran goes on to explain that we can suffer from a convenient amnesia with the passage of time and turn around and condemn others. In this very passage, he is breaking down Mark 4:3-8 while reflecting on the Bhagavad Gita. This popular passage in the Bible discusses the sowing of seeds in different environments. Some do not develop good roots in the gravel along the roadside, some get choked out by thorny weeds, and ultimately some find good soil and develop strong roots.
In finding our own enriching soil that allows us to develop strong roots, Easwaran discusses how our suffering is a window in our consciousness that allows a true spiritual existence to foster. Writing about my experience with mental illness, and reaching out to those that are suffering with something that I know a great deal about, keeps me developing those strong roots. Faith without works is dead. Have faith if you are in pain, if you are still suffering, and have confidence that this suffering is the very gift that you have received for transformation, not only for yourself, but for the world around you.