“Discrimination against people with HIV/AIDS or serophobia is the prejudice, fear, rejection and discrimination against people afflicted with HIV/AIDS (PLHIV; people living with HIV/AIDS). Discrimination is one manifestation of stigma, and stigmatizing attitudes and behaviors may fall under the rubric of discrimination depending on the legislation of a particular country. HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus. If left untreated, HIV can lead to the disease AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome).[1] HIV/AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease and cannot be cured, but with proper treatment, the individual can live just as long as without the disease.”

-Wikipedia

One of the worst fears that I have ever faced in my life is the fear that I have HIV. I just recalled recently, an early memory when I was on my way to Kindergarten, and we were waiting for my friend Travis Engle, to come down from his house for carpool, and my mom told me about AIDS. She told me that if I have sex or touch a boy’s privates, that I might be at risk of dying from this very deadly disease. In the Spring of 2016, around my birthday (March 27th), which fell on Easter, I broke completely, and experienced the fourth psychotic break of my life. I remember a point at which I was overrun with total psychotic fear, that I actually had this virus, and was so scared, that I called the NATIONAL crises line. The woman, who told me her name, or the name that she officially uses while helping mental health consumers who are in crises, talked me down from this fear. She told me that I did not have AIDS. She did not question my fears, and she gave me the best advice that I have ever received, which I also quoted in my book “Glass Slippers: A Journey of Mental Illness”, published in 2017.

“Say “I love you” out loud. Maybe you will hear yourself say it. And it will do no harm. If someone else hears it, it may just make them feel at ease as well.” (rephrased to the best of my ability)

It is possible that her name was “Wendy”. It is hard to remember at this point, because, what I stated above, was a very traumatic experience. However, the fear would remain, and I could get triggered into this very frightening mental state just upon someone mentioning AIDS or HIV. Luckily, I believe, by now, approximately three years later, that I have overcome this trigger, just as I have overcome other “trigger fears” in my past, such as the fear of worms, the fear of Steve dying, and the fear of spiders. I thank life circumstance and fate for putting challenging moments in my path, where I have had the opportunity to overcome and challenge fears which I experienced while in a complete psychotic state.

So where does this fear still come from? Am I channeling a deep subconscious reality that is communal on this globe, and exists today, despite the general scientific understanding that HIV tends to not be a major threat in first world countries? I think medicine is making high leaps. I do not believe in Patient Zero. I have known people with HIV and AIDS, and bless all of their souls today. May they rest in peace forever.