The music is soothing and this morning has been flowing by and slightly productive. It is the week before Beltane and this day and the days to come are very much about setting intentions for the year to come. I am going to meditate on the Goddess and the Universe and try and get deeply in touch with myself this springtime holiday. Pagan celebrations were not about a single day, they were often celebrations that lasted for a week or a full moon cycle. I think people were slower in times past and more connected to the Earth. I am grateful to be able to be slow this time of year. I have been now for almost a couple of months. It does come apparent that the less you do, the more you accomplish. Often when we keep busy we just groove down into the habitual ruts in our lives and rarely are we able to take the time for deep reflection. This deep reflection allows for making real progress, true self realization. I have realized that I have the choice to manifest what I wish to in my life and I can now see how I am able to do this. Deep contemplation has allowed me to make real changes in my life that I believe are going to lead me further down the path of true happiness.

Everything is okay. Steve has been telling me this for years, but I did not really believe him. I have suffered with severe anxiety, mania and psychosis that has been debilitating, emotional and full of fear. I am wishing to heal. First I had to find God, make a deep spiritual connection with the cosmos and the earth, and then journey into seeing myself as gifted rather than flawed. The latter has been the true journey and is very what my recent book “Glass Slippers: A journey of Mental Illness” is about. Finding the gift within myself. I have reached the horizon I was looking for. I am understanding this deeply. I am changing because of it. I have taken my power back and re-embraced my will and individuality. I feel very much like a child. Raw, new, the world a place full of possibility and a little bit intimidating. But this feeling is new. I am not weighed down by debilitating grief any longer. I am becoming novel, reborn.

I am finding that no-one truly has control or power over myself but me. I can make real choices to better my life. There is no right or wrong. For years I asked permission for everything and apologized regularly. Like there was some super power I was bowing down to. But the Earth is forgiving and God is within myself. The only real authority comes from within. I am free. I am free to create, make my own choices and become who I truly want to be. I love and accept myself the way I am to utter completeness and this allows me to shape myself into the being I truly wish to be. Anything truly is possible. The more I live in the moment, time slows down. It does not slip by rapidly bathed in unconsciousness. Every day is a gift, every movement my very own. I am the Star, I am a channel, I am flow, I am a vessel for the magic that exists within nature and myself.