The light and wind seem gentle on this late winter afternoon. The soft music and herbal tea in my throat are soothing and gentle as well. Gentleness is something I am choosing to embody, gentleness with myself, gentleness with my spirit. In therapy recently we have been discussing choosing ease and allowing myself space to truly be myself. I did not realize fully that I was not taking enough space for my body and emotions that run deep with sadness and grief. I am aware often that I could choose ease more frequently and be gentler with myself. Meditation and therapy is aiding on this journey. Strangely, choosing ease can result in me being more of who I am. Taking in my natural smells as beautiful, letting my hair down and letting my spirit speak through this extension of myself. Embracing and loving my body, and taking the time to listen to my deep inner workings. Meditation is helping, gentle music and a new practice of drinking lots of medicinal teas and herbal infusions.

In therapy I was faced with great sadness. I am glad this is coming to the surface because I know that grief is held in my body and has been for many years. What I am discovering now, is that I can speak to this grief, to this part of myself, and just acknowledging it and allowing it gentle room to be, I find that I am lighter. I suppose now that I am in peri-menopause and that both my husband and I have adopted a slow life of nurture while living with disabilities, I am beginning to understand the importance of taking responsibility for myself. This doesn’t just mean eating vegetables and staying on top of the bathrooms, floors and laundry, this means growing in self awareness and self love. It is time for me to accept myself fully. It is time for me to put meaning and understanding to the deep grief that has been harboring itself in my muscles and tissues. I am ready, I want to heal.

Spiritual practice can also be about service to others. As I serve others, I practice the compassion that I also need to give to myself. I am doing this. It involves listening, patience, and acceptance. Sometimes I am surprised or disappointed in the way my life looks on an antiquated level. But it is not about what I have accumulated, and often I feel that I have more than enough, though my belongings are humble. Many find meaning in having less. But also doing less can create power and meaning in one’s life. I am finding this to be true. I am finding that if I put quality in place of quantity I am more fulfilled. Acceptance, self love, is so obtuse, it is gentle, it is easy. It doesn’t always seem so shiny, but why do I need shiny anyway? I prefer a subtle patina. Here is to being a jewel uncut and unpolished. I am valuing my true nature and finding it a blessing increasingly as these gentle days pass my doorstep.