I am not a perfect human being, and yet when I look around me at the people that I love in the world, I can see that my favorite folks are out and proud with all of their flaws. These friends have a way of accepting my flaws, and they also teach me so much about seeing myself for who I am and accepting the perfect and imperfect spirit that inhabits my body.

I sometimes wish that I was not the person that I can so easily become at times. A switch can flip and I will be so mad, and raving about something utterly ridiculous. In a stressful moment I can make strict and judgmental remarks. I am better at bringing awareness to these moments, now. Part of accepting me in all of my colors, some muddy and icky green-brown, and some shiny sky blue, is the loving acceptance I receive from my friends. I suppose this means that I can be generous in spirit as well. It is always a two-way street. Also, I need to remember that God loves me the way he made me, God does not make junk, and because of that I need not linger in moments of self-judgment and torment, worrying about the outcome of my actions; that someone may be mad at me, or feeling unwelcome and inappropriately sized grief, guilt and regret over a certain moment. If I can bring even an inkling of awareness and conscious thought to the situation while accepting myself in my flaws and remembering that I am loved, I can only hope that my friends and family will forgive me as well.

Part of the curse about speaking your truth and having the gift to communicate this to the world, I can communicate things I sometimes wish that I hadn’t. Really, not all truths need to be expressed. Though I really spend very little time editing my paintings, and even less time editing my writings, I do need to edit my behavior and thoughts. I have manners and social graces, for the most part. Over time I have actually developed a skill where I have a thought, and will think before I speak, wondering about and editing what comes out of my mouth. In many ways I am delayed in areas of my development. Yes, I will actually admit this. Part of the reason I enjoy studying the Bible and going to church is because Faith does not come naturally to me. I am learning, and every realization seems so monumental and eye opening, I am almost equally in awe of the fact that I have understood so little on the subject. I now have social graces, but am still progressing in this area as well. For the most part I am creatively endowed, so acting has gotten me through most of my life. The simple fact that I need not always speak my mind, or that I needed Faith to be less consumed with the idea that people MUST like me, are mere examples of this learning.

I am unclear why I have been slow in certain areas, but realizing and accepting these parts of me with love, as well as diving into the learning aspect of improving myself has proved fulfilling in itself. I do not deny that being humble allows one to even see these unexposed undeveloped parts of oneself. Removing my pride has also shed light on my faults, knowing God’s love and acceptance, and loving people regardless of their faults.