Today I shaved my head. I wasn’t exactly thinking of Sinead O’Connor when I got the idea, it was actually influenced by a non-binary person I met in a meeting last night. But after the fact, I definitely have Sinead on my heart and mind. A beautiful singer that I have relished in over the years, that also suffered with acute mental illness later in life, Sinead has been an inspiration to me. Though her music affected me deeply in my young adult years and later as well, it was her struggles with mental illness later in her life that had me feeling truly connected with her. She definitely sported the shaved head and wore it well. Personally, I feel that it embodies my gender identity in an outward fashion that feels really good. It feels right to express myself in this way. I cut my own hair, and have professional clippers, and yet I was tiring of dealing with it. Shaving in this way is so much simpler, and it just feels so good.

I attend four different recovery meetings with my program. Three are online and one is in person. I attend anywhere from one to three meetings daily. I attend a meeting that centers on transgender and gender diverse people, and I have found I greatly look forward to these meetings that happen four days a week. It feels right to be seen. This meeting is where I have found community and fellowship with fellow trans and non-binary folks. It is affirming and validating to be there. Digging deep over the years, and changing my name to Moon, I have found that I am becoming a new person. I may have been this person all along deep down, but now I am accepting the deepest parts of my being, and I have become honest and transparent.  I am learning to express this identity outwardly, and as I do I feel strangely more like myself. I believe all along, and I can think of many points of evidence, that when I am expressing my authentic self, I express this in a non-binary fashion. I feel at home with men and “the guys”, and if they will have me and accept me, I feel that I would rather be in their company. It does not mean that I dislike women by any means, but I find that I feel at home with men. Trans men, queer men, gay men, strait men, it does not matter. That being said I greatly value the women in my life as well.

My partner is actually Kleinfelders, and he has three chromosomes, XXY. The Y makes him male, but that extra X I have always found comfort in. There is a sensitivity and a sensualness that makes him more like me, somewhere in the middle. Ever since we got together 25 years ago, we have always felt extremely comfortable in each other’s presence. For years we have passed as a cis-gender couple, but we have always been eccentric. It is nice now to be open. I have always referred to Steve as my partner, a gender neutral term, as we have never married. “Wife” and “husband” never quite fit us. Regardless, Steve accepts my recent coming-out and me expressing myself as non-binary. Not all long married couples last when one in the couple comes out as trans or non-binary. It is amazing to me how powerful gender really is. It is a social construct and a conditioning that goes so deep and back to our very early formative years. This is why it is revolutionary, and why there is so much resistance to the Trans community just wanting to be seen in the open. I have seen some photos of me as a toddler, and though I am dressed in a dress and tights and patent leather shoes, I see the truth in my eyes and body. I was gender neutral at this young age. My family has always supported me in the search and the creation of my identity and in the finding of my true authentic self. I am utterly grateful to have a family, a partner, and a community that holds me in the light and accepts me, Moon, just as I am.