Connection is the opposite of illness. In recovery, I have found solace in the connection that I am able to foster in my life. It is with my mother, my partner, my sister, my niece, my father and friends both in and out of the program. Every day I attend meetings and listen to other people share about their experience and their struggles. I am also able to share my own. When I speak of illness, I am speaking of all mental illness including addiction. When we are bound to our pain, we learn to distance ourselves from the world and those around us. When we humble ourselves before a group of people, and are able to be vulnerable with them, admitting our mental illness or addiction, we then can truly feel that we are not alone. Many, including me in my past, hide in our pain. We build walls around us. We separate first from our family, and later from society in general. It takes a lot of work to become vulnerable again and to bury these walls. Trust, faith, acceptance, gratitude, and humility, are the concepts we should be striving for in our lives. Not success, achievement, money, prestige, recognition, power, or popularity. These are lonely words. These false idols lead us to illness. It is when we live humble and simple lives that we can then connect and relate to almost anyone around us who may also be suffering.

Today I saw a Flicker bird up close as I was riding my bike. My friend told me to be looking out for “God moments” or “Spirit signs” since my dog just past away a week ago. First I saw two red tailed hawks hovering above me while I swam in the pond, and behind them an ever so small slice of a white crescent moon almost lost in the bright blue sky of daytime. The hawks hovered right in front of the moon, and flicked their red tails in the sunlight, a good omen. The Flicker is in my spirit name MoonFlickerStone. The bird carries much significance in my life, and it is rare that I see one or find one of their feathers. Seeing one up so close touched me deeply. Connection can also come to us by being in tune with nature or the universe. I feel connected to spirit as I remember my most recent and deceased dogs, Bruce and Lionel. Their lack of presence is felt, but I know that they are at peace. This brings me serenity in the place of grief. I know I have grief stored in my body that could surface at any time, but right now I just feel blessed to have known my animals. We had a very good life together.

Whether it is a person, an animal, a bird, the waves, or the wind, it is possible to soften through our struggles and illness and feel connection. It takes work and intention to derail our addictive tendencies, our over bloated egos, our self-will, and our pain and insanity in general, and find ourselves on the plush green grass of intimacy and connection. It is possible to soften and become vulnerable and humble around people. You may find these people in your family, or strangers in a circle of folding chairs. You can trust that if you let go, the universe and community will hold you. It will catch you and teach you to love yourself. One of my favorite sayings from my recovery program is “Take it easy”. I learn so much from these words as I surrender to my soft body and the emotions held inside of me. I crush my self-will and accept that there is something divine, something greater, something spiritual, guiding us all. I find purpose in the undoing and the slowing down. I pray you seek out connection today in some form. Soften, take it easy, and know that this very moment is all you are guaranteed in this huge and chaotic world. Who knows what lies beyond this moment. If we are connected, we can trust that we will find the answers that we need, either in the people that support us, or in the universe, god, goddess et al. Thanks for connecting with me through my writing. You listening to my words and voice helps with my practice of becoming transparent and vulnerable while sharing my thoughts with the community at large.