Connection is the opposite of addiction. Compassion comes before expectation. Connection and compassion, idyllic words, really. I find connection in my life by healing wounds and creating bonds with family. In my life today, my family is very much my birth family. My nuclear family consists of my mother, my father, my sister and her children and husband. There is also family that is more spiritual; family consisting of friends and relations that are not necessarily where we are from. I am lucky to have a nuclear family. And I am even more lucky to get along with them and prosper in their company. There are extensions to this family, as well; cousins, aunts, and in-laws. And of course there is Steve, my dog Lionel, and our cat Titi; my immediate family. Whether your family consists of blood relations, recovery meetings, or good friends that you have accumulated and nurtured over time, the words family and connection go hand in hand.

We all have expectations. We expect to get certain service at the restaurant, we expect our grocery store to carry certain products, and we expect our family and friends to understand where we are at in life. It is important to understand that the world is full of imperfections. The road of life has bumps. What we expect from others, be it people or institutions, is only that, an expectation. It is not reality, and it is created in our minds. Companies and corporations make mistakes, and certainly your server at the restaurant or your partner of many years who is human is going to make mistakes now and again. Letting go of expectation can and will increase one’s happiness and life considerably. If one is to let go of expectation and then sit in compassion, one may even find that they become happier individuals. The two go together. Once we acknowledge and accept that we have expectations, and bring awareness to this part of ourselves, we can learn to let them go. We can develop increased elasticity when we revert to such behavior. Awareness then allows us to live differently. Then comes compassion. We can have compassion for our selves as we leg go of our expectations and not crucify or berate ourselves for doing so, and we can also use compassion to move us away from expectation.

I must have compassion for all that I am. When I first acknowledge where I am, when I find that the universe has placed me in a position, I can find solace and comfort in accepting it. I was placed in the mental health system at seventeen, but it wasn’t until I fully accepted that this is where I needed to be, that I could accept the help that was being provided. The same goes with being an alcoholic. The nature of addiction is very closely entwined with denial. The voice in our head that is telling us to use, and thus denying that we are an addict, is our addiction speaking. I must step in with compassion in order to accept myself and to accept help. As soon as I build an expectation of myself and others, I veer off of the path of recovery, and I find myself reverting to old patterns. The truth of my life is that I belong in the mental health world/institution/system, and I can find peace in this acceptance. I find a similar peace in accepting my fate as an alcoholic. Step one; acknowledging my addiction, and living one day at a time. I also have been attending a Trans support group for over a year. You could say I found it or that God showed me the way, but I am here and I will not question it anymore. I have faith in the Universe and where I land therein. A peace comes over me and I can begin to heal.

In the recovery rooms we find connection, possibly for the first time in our lives. We find acceptance for ourselves as we are validated by other human beings. This helps us forge a small and simple road one day at a time in order to heal ourselves and overcome addiction in our lives. When I can find and experience compassion for the world, the imperfect world in which I live, I become a happier more well adjusted human. Space and error are then fixed with the binding element of love, and the imperfections make the world stronger, the human world that surrounds us. We learn from mistakes, we learn from changes in plans, we learn from our weakness and pain, and as we do, we build a world that is supported by love and compassion. Without a foundation of love and compassion, we do not have ground worthy of standing. No expectation can be met without this foundation. So, I hope today that you are able to find connection, with the natural world, human, plant and animal, and that this helps you find healing on your journey. I also encourage you to practice compassion for people places and things that go wrong, seemingly wrong, and that seem to crack and break, thus creating chaos or imperfection in our lives. Life is chaotic, and it is from the chaos, even death, that we learn to resurrect our very human selves and heal.