Affirmations and mantras can be incredibly useful tools on the road of healing. How often do we tell ourselves that we are not good enough without even thinking about it? I know I can push and push myself, because I believe at some core level that what I am actually able to do is just the bare minimum, and not great. To improve and to get better, I must do more. But what if I try something truly radical? What if I accept myself exactly where I am, right now, without any misgivings? What if I sit in the chaos that I perceive my life to be, and let the storm die down around me, as I begin to accept it all just the way it is? So much in our lives is relative. If I practice gratitude and stillness, and positive affirmation, I may then see that I have a wonderful life and that I am doing quite well.

I am strong, I am capable, I am beautiful, I am intelligent, I am wise. These are just a few basic examples of affirmations that I can say to myself everyday. I write two affirmation lists with two different buddies from my program each morning. It helps to have this exchange with an actual person. As I do this, my mind actually changes. I am making a positive agreement with myself to see myself in a positive light. It is not always the easiest thing to do. Also, sometimes words seem to only scratch the surface. We may need silence, mediation, stillness, and simplicity to break through our patterns of negative thinking. But saying the words is a start. These affirmations are different than gratitudes. The affirmation is directed from the self to the self, not from the self outward. I write a gratitude list every morning with another friend in the program, as well. Gratitude is another form of positive thinking that can change the way we see ourselves and the world.

Still, affirmation has special power, because I am specifically learning to love myself more. Traditional programs talk a lot about giving up self-will, and letting go of our will and our ego. Building yourself up with affirmations may seem counterintuitive to a traditional program and step work. But it doesn’t have to be. For me, the ego and self-will in my life are usually trying to tell myself things like, ‘You need to try harder,’ or ‘You can do better,’ or ‘You can control your life, this situation, or this person if you put in the effort and try.’ The reality is that giving up my self-will and ego actually matches with the positive thought that I am trying to instill in my life through affirmation. ‘I am good enough to let go of control and not know the outcome.’ ‘I am doing my best and that is good enough, despite things not being perfect.’ ‘I can let other people have their opinions and make their own decisions without weighing in, and that may feel like chaos, but it is really love.’ Having regular positive thinking about myself works well with traditional twelve step programs, their philosophies, and their steps, in the long run.

One mantra a dear friend shared with me is: “I love and completely accept myself, just as I am right now.” When I hear these words, when I say them to myself, I stop. I do not need to strive so hard. I can set down my goals for a moment. I can be calm and feel the sun on my skin, listen to the rain, and take in a deep breath. Learning to be okay in the moment is a huge challenge, and the essential goal of emotional sobriety. I love and accept myself, hence I am okay, right now. The whole reason we drink or use is because we are not okay. We can’t stand the moment we are living in and we need to check out, get high, use, and not feel. Because the feelings flood in if we stop. If we stop using, and de-numb. This is why I have made it my purpose in life to seek out sobriety on many different levels. Every moment in every day is an opportunity to love myself, life, and this situation I am in exactly as it is, right now. When I do that I do not need to use. To use nicotine, caffeine, alcohol or gluten. I am working on the sugar, but I am not out of control. The more I put substances down, the more I spend time with myself in reality, and the more I have the opportunity to love myself exactly the way that I am. Telling myself that I am strong and beautiful is subjective. It is okay to believe these things, even if another disagrees. We are not necessarily stating facts and that is okay. But belief and intention are powerful things. I am enough. I can do this. I can heal, every moment of every day.